


The broken road that led me home to you

by justfandomthings



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Asthma, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt Danny "Danno" Williams, Hurt Steve McGarrett, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, POV Steve McGarrett, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s10e22 Aloha (Goodbye)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25899292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justfandomthings/pseuds/justfandomthings
Summary: A documented list of conversations between Steve and Danny via text and phone call following the events of 10x22 "Aloha." (Where, even thousands of miles apart, Steve and Danny can't go without talking to each other.)
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 25
Kudos: 229
Collections: H50 Big Bang 2020





	The broken road that led me home to you

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by the lovely mymcdanno on Tumblr, who is truly the sunshine on a rainy day. 
> 
> Artwork is from the fantastic Rex-oO on Tumblr, whose artwork is my honor to have included in my story. (It's seriously amazing, I'm beyond thrilled for it to be featured in my story and for everyone to see their brilliance!!)
> 
> Warning for this story: Mentions of nightmares, panic attacks, and fighting.

_I miss you already._ _Received from Danny at 7:37 PM._

_Keep my bed warm for me._ _Sent from Steve at 2:14 AM._

**Wednesday, April 29, 2020**

It's seven in the morning in New York. It's one in the morning in Oahu. Steve calls anyway.

Danny answers after the second ring. Offers only a quiet "hey" as a greeting. 

"Hey." It sounds tired even to Steve. He got a couple of hours of sleep, better than nothing. Worse than he was hoping for but no more or less than he was expecting. 

He doesn't ask why Danny's still awake. 

Danny doesn't ask why he's calling so early for him, late for him. 

The line remains quiet, minus their breathing. Steve settles into his pillows on the bed and tries to get comfortable. Two weeks in and the mattresses at the various hotels he's stayed in so far have all been uncomfortable. None come close to the comforts of his own bed. 

He doubts anything will. Still, he tries to ease the pressure in his back and lets his eyes close, relaxing his muscles with a gentle flex. 

"Eddie hogged the bed last night," Danny offers into the peace. "We had a discussion about it this morning, how it isn't polite to crowd the bed when you're just a guest spending the night."

"Did it work?" 

"Nah, you kidding? The dog only listens to you, maybe Junior if he puts enough SEAL-gruffness in his voice. He's currently laying on his side on the bed, legs sprawled out." 

"Send him to the sofa then." 

"I like him where he is." Danny pauses. "Even if I'll wake up later with paws in my back." 

Steve chuckles. "You just want me to come back to a bed full of dog hair." 

"So what if I do, what're you going to do to stop me?" 

"I can be creative when I want to be," Steve responds. He's glad to hear Danny's voice. Texting is nice, so is the occasional postcard if Steve finds a noteworthy place, but those are limited and far in between so far, while texts just don't carry the same weight that hearing Danny's voice does. 

"Creative, huh? Surprise me then, do your worst." 

Steve laughs. "You have no idea what you're in for." 

"Ten years of being your friend says otherwise," Danny retorts. It's said playfully and Steve smiles in way of response, figuring Danny can guess at his emotions without being present to witness them. "You doing okay?" 

"I miss you." 

"Yeah, I miss you too," Danny admits after a pause. He sounds surprised at the admission. As if he didn't think Steve would admit to missing him. "You have a nightmare?" 

"I don't remember it but I woke up in the middle of the night." Steve shrugs. "Was up for a couple of hours before I was able to fall back asleep. Insomnia?" 

Danny doesn't seem to blink at the sudden change in conversation. "Avoiding sleep actually. Sort of both, I guess." 

"Nightmare last night?" 

"It wasn't a good dream," Danny agrees. He sounds tired too. "What made you call?" 

"Wanted to hear your voice," Steve says honestly. 

"Call more often, I'll tell you about Charlie and the team in more than two hundred characters."

"I can do that." 

"Good, see that you do." 

Steve smiles a little. He's relaxed enough to maybe get another hour or two of sleep before getting up for the day. This is his vacation, his time to focus on his mental health, at least, so he thinks he’s allowed the lay-in once in a while. "G’night, Danno." 

"Night, babe." 

**Monday, May 4, 2020**

_Catherine’s left for DC._ _Sent from Steve at 7:15 AM._

_I'm sorry. You okay?_ _Received from Danny at 7:27 AM._

_Yeah. We’re better as friends. Worked out the way it was supposed to._ _Sent from Steve at 7:29 AM._

_You okay? It’s late._ _Sent from Steve at 7:30 AM._

_I’m fine. Going to bed now. Call later?_ _Received from Danny at 7:33 AM._

_Just give me a time, yeah._ _Sent from Steve at 7:35 AM._

**Thursday, May 7, 2020**

_Tani left me a voicemail earlier, said you closed a rough case. Wanna talk?_ _Sent from Steve at 11:33 AM._

_No I don’t and if I did, I wouldn’t text about it._ _Received from Danny at 11:38 AM._

_You’re still up? It’s not even six._ _Sent from Steve at 11:41 AM._

_You texted, I responded._ _Received from Danny at 11:45 AM._

_Fine. You okay?_ _Sent from Steve at 11:46 AM._

_Come on Danny. Just bc I’m not there doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me about a rough case._ _Sent from Steve at 11:56 AM._

_I know you’re not asleep, you have to work in a couple hrs._ _Sent from Steve at 12:04 PM._

_I will call you if you don’t respond._ _Sent from Steve at 12:06 PM._

_Trying to get me to talk abt it isn’t going to work when I have to text._ _Received from Danny at 12:07 PM._

_I’m fine. Nothing a workout can’t help. Just focus on yourself._ _Received from Danny at 12:07 PM._

Steve tries to call after that but is declined almost immediately. Danny’s voicemail greets him. Steve puts his face in his hand and says wearily, “I don’t know how many times I have to say it but I’ll keep repeating this until you get it through that thick skull of yours: just because I left to get away from it all doesn’t mean that I won't be here for you when you need someone to talk to. We’re partners, right? Our problems are each other’s. Call me when you feel like talking.”

_Yeah bc you’re rlly opening up to me rn. Nice one._ _Received from Danny at 12:15 PM._

He has a point. 

Steve tries to call again but is once again sent to voicemail. His partner’s pain is obvious even thousands of miles and a six-hour time difference away. Defeated, Steve puts his phone away and works on finishing his lunch. He’ll try again later. 

**Thursday, May 7, 2020, a while later**

_Sorry for being a dick._ _Received from Danny at 11:20 PM._

_You’re fine. You up for talking now? I’ll call._ _Sent from Steve at 11:25 PM._

_Sorry just got home._ _Received from Danny at 11:51 PM._

_And that’s not necessary. Told you I needed to punch it out._ _Received from Danny at 11:51 PM._

_This is a two way street. You want me to open up, you need to too. Tell me abt your nightmares. Or call when you need someone to talk to._ _Received from Danny at 11:52 PM._

_I’ll work on it._ _Sent from Steve at 11:54 PM._

_All I can ask._ _Received from Danny at 11:57 PM._

**Friday, May 15, 2020**

It's two-twenty-four am in Rome, two-twenty-four pm back home. Danny’s more than likely at work. Steve calls anyway; Danny’ll let him ring out if he can’t talk.

It takes only a few seconds for him to answer. "Whoa, isn't it the middle of the night?" Danny says as way of greeting. 

"Hello to you too, I'm fine, how are you?" 

"I'll get there, answer my question first. Isn't it the middle of the night?" 

"Two in the morning, yes, Daniel. My question?" 

"I'm fine. Researching something for a case." 

"Desk work?" 

"Living my best life. Just for another six weeks or so and then I can return to field work." 

"Look at you, returning to the major leagues. I'm proud." 

"Not yet so don't jinx me. Seriously though, why're you still up?" 

"Nightmare," Steve says. 

"Needed to hear my voice?" It's asked earnestly, no hints of mocking in Danny's tone. Not that he would mock, not when the topic is serious like this one, at least. 

"Something like that." 

"Well, I'm happy to report, I'm doing just fine. Ahead of schedule on my healing process, even if the nightmares are lingering like a stubborn S-O-B." 

"I'm sorry." 

"What did I tell you about that? You're not to blame so you don't need to apologize." 

"Maybe I was just apologizing because I feel bad you're having all these nightmares." 

"In that case, I'm sorry too." 

"Why?" 

"Because you're having nightmares too." 

Steve shrugs. "Used to them." 

Which is true, he is, but these ones in particular aren't any easier to deal with. Especially the ones where Danny dies, those make him want to be sick. Make him want to curl up in a ball and not move for a while. 

"Doesn't make it any easier to deal with, babe," Danny replies. He knows Steve better than himself, sometimes. His words, matching Steve's thoughts to the letter, are no surprise. "How's Italy? Enjoying the food?" 

"Food's great, actually. Made me think about our restaurant, all that it could have been." 

"All the Italian recipe potential," Danny muses. "But also the increasing likelihood of dying of heart failure at a young age. Too much stress in the restaurant industry, I swear to god I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to open a restaurant." There's a pause. "Tell me honestly, who has better food, my grandma's recipes or what you've had in Italy?" 

"I prefer your gravy. But considering majority of the dishes I’ve had so far are made from ingredients fresh from the farm… nothing back home compares, sorry." 

"Always knew you'd betray me someday," Danny sighs, mocking playfully. "Can't believe you'd do my grandmother like that. However, I'd be willing to forgive you if you’d do something for me." 

"Okay?" 

"Send me a picture." 

"Of...what? Of the bed I'm in? The hotel room? Italy? There's kinda a lot of room for speculation there, Danno." 

"A picture of yourself, you putz. Doesn't have to be today, I'd just like to see you with my own eyes one day in the near future." 

"I can do that," Steve says. 

He expects a snarky response or something along those lines but all Danny says is, "Thanks." 

"Send me one too?" Steve requests. 

"Sure, whaddya want to see? If you say Eddie, just be forewarned it's either going to be blurry because he won't sit still, or it'll be a photo of the goof fast asleep." 

Steve laughs at the mental images of both possible photos. "I'll take one of Eddie whenever you have a free moment, but I'd like to see you." 

_"Danny!"_ he hears Tani call in the background. " _We've got something."_

"You've got to go?" 

"That's my cue," Danny agrees. "Take care of yourself, yeah? Get some sleep." 

"Yeah, I will. Take care too." 

"Babe, when do I not?" Danny snarks, and hangs up. 

Steve puts his phone on the nightstand next to his bed and rolls onto his side, closing his eyes. He might just be able to sleep now. 

**Monday, May 18, 2020**

**[Image attached]** _Received from Danny at 6:34 AM._

Steve awakens at 7:00 promptly and rolls over to grab his phone, checking his notifications in a half-awake state of awareness until he sees one in particular that has him sitting up straight in bed.

An incoming text message from Danny, sent to him at 6:34 AM. 

[Image attached.] 

Steve wonders about what the photo is as he opens the notification and waits for the photo to load. A picture of Eddie? Eddie and Danny, maybe? Either would be great but-

_Don't forget to send me a pic too. Sweet dreams_

Standing on the lanai, grinning at the camera with their arms around each other is Danny, Grace, and Charlie. Eddie is sitting at their feet looking alert and in Charlie's hands is a small sign that reads, clearly written by Charlie: "We love you, Uncle Steve!" 

Steve blinks back tears as he carefully saves the photo to his phone and then makes the photo his lockscreen. His chest hurts but Steve thinks it's in a good way. The feeling is the same as when he’s got Danny on the line and his partner's giving him grief about something. Or rambling about something- it’s really anytime he and Danny are talking, if he’s honest. The feeling is… well, it’s _fond._

 _Love._

A little bit of longing, too. 

Considering the time difference, it’s just past seven in the evening in Oahu, approximately. Monday is Danny’s day with Charlie, he remembers, and if that photo is recent- say, taken within the hour- then that means Grace is there too, probably just home from college. Steve presses Danny’s contact and waits, bringing his phone to his ear. 

"Hey, babe!" Danny greets after a few rings. He sounds better than he did the last time they spoke, Steve thinks to himself. Less stressed, happier. Courtesy of being with his children, no doubt. 

"Hey, Danno," Steve says. "You got a-" 

"Uncle Steve!" Charlie bellows from somewhere nearby. In one moment he goes from with Danny on the line to Charlie saying loudly into his ear, "Hi, Uncle Steve!" 

"Hey, Little D!" Steve says. "How's school? You still doing good in math?" 

"Yep!" Charlie says loudly, cheerful as ever. "Danny's been helping but-" and his voice suddenly drops to just above an inside voice, "but you're better at math than he is." 

"Am I now?" Steve says, unable to keep from laughing at Danny's indignant squawk of protest over the line. "Tell Danno I agree with you." 

"Danno, Uncle Steve says he agrees with me," Charlie informs helpfully, oblivious to Steve's teasing. 

"Wha-" Danny sputters in the background. "How dare you both, I'll have you both know I am _very_ good at math, definitely better at math than Uncle Steve, for that matter and I-"

"Daddy," Charlie giggles. "No, you're not." 

Steve just laughs, unable to hold it back as Danny gasps over the line, his words clear to understand despite Charlie not having the phone on speaker. "I've never been so insulted in all of my life, I swear, the two of you conspiring against me-" 

"Charlie," Steve interrupts. "Tell Danno I think it's adorable how cute he is when he's flustered." 

"A-door-ble," Charlie says slowly, trying the word on for size. "Adorable. Okay! Danno, Uncle Steve says you're adorable when you're flustered. Oh, and cute!”

Which is not quite what he said but it works. Plus, it's accurate in its own right too. Steve knows the instant Danny computes his words for his true meaning because his partner's voice goes up an octave as he begins his protesting, saying how ‘unfairly he's been treated right now.'

He's still sputtering when Charlie bids Steve a big, enthusiastic "I love you!" and hands Danny the phone. 

"You are an A-H," Danny grumbles, clearly using abbreviations and spelling because Charlie is hovering nearby. "Did you call me just to remind me of that or is there another reason you called?" 

"I just got your photo," Steve says. "Gracie's back in town?" 

"Yep, and she says to be expecting a phone call from her in the near future now that she's done with finals and home for the semester. She had dinner with us and is out right now with Will and a few other friends or I’d pass the phone to her." There's a pause. Talking in the background, excited talking. "Yeah, don't worry, bud, I'll ask Uncle Steve for us." 

"What's the question?" 

"Did you like the sign?" _Charlie's sign._

"It was beautiful," Steve says proudly. "Charlie's handwriting is turning out good, definitely gonna have his mother's handwriting and not yours, buddy." 

"Whoa, what is with you and insulting me today?" Danny cries. He sounds amused though. If Steve closes his eyes, he can imagine the pout on Danny's face. "Seriously, it's not cool." 

"The photo is." Steve is quiet, voice suddenly full of emotion. "Highlight of my day already, I can tell." 

"Yeah?" Danny sounds pleased now. "I'm glad. And it's true, we do miss you." 

"I miss you too," Steve admits. He sits up straighter. "And Danny, I love you." 

"I know, I love you too," Danny says. 

"Good." Steve clears his throat. "'S why I called, needed to tell you that. Don't want to interrupt your evening any longer so tell Charlie to be good and have fun with the rest of school, and tell him I love him." 

"You can tell him yourself, goofball." There's a shuffling as the phone is passed over and then Charlie's back on the line. Steve relays his message to him and Charlie simply says, "Thanks, Uncle Steve! I love you too, be sure to behave in Rome!" 

His and Danny's laughter is the last thing Steve hears as the call disconnects. The smile stays on his face for the rest of the day. 

**Saturday, May 30, 2020**

"Tell me how you're doing," Steve requests in a lull in conversation. "Everyone just says you're fine. You say it too, is it true? Or you trying to keep me from worrying and heading home?" 

"I'm good," Danny says. "Like I said the other week, healing just fine. PT's a bitch but it's always like that. Was hoping to be back in a month but the doc extended the timetable to about six weeks or so before I can go back to active duty." 

Steve frowns. "Was he worried about something?" 

"Nah, PT's just taking the wind outta me. I guess he talked to the surgeon who talked to my doctor who decided on six weeks. A precaution, they’re all insisting, so my lungs can heal. It's annoying. I'm tired of sitting at a desk." 

"You, complaining about paperwork? That's a first." Steve pauses for effect and asks, "You sleeping okay?" 

"Are you?" 

It's been too long, years too long since he's slept okay. In the middle of everything, when Danny was living with him, it was better. Not good, but better. 

It unraveled just as quickly as it came together. 

Story of his life. 

"Not really," Steve admits. "Feels like I'm missing something, you know?" 

"The peace you're searching for?" 

"More than that. I don't know how to describe it." 

"I get it." 

Without him verbalizing it, Steve has no doubt Danny does. If anyone can read him, it's his partner. 

"You got Charlie today?" 

"Tomorrow, actually. Rachel and I switched cause she's meeting with some friends tomorrow night." 

"What're your plans for today then?" 

"Not much. I’ll probably run with Eddie, work on some PT exercises, clean up the house a little, maybe catch up on lost sleep at some point. Grace's with Will for the day so yours truly is a loner, officially." 

"Officially?" 

"Shut up. What about you, what'd you do today?" 

"Went on a run, went to the farmer's market, made a nice dinner, now I'm talking to you." 

"Sounds peaceful, to be honest. I'm surprised." 

"I can do peaceful." 

"Name one time." 

"How about any given Friday night when we were living together and we'd make dinner together or call in takeout, have a few beers out on the lanai and retire on the sofa with a movie?" Steve challenges. "Half the time we'd fall asleep before the end credits began rolling. Sounds pretty relaxing to me." 

"You do make a good pillow," Danny muses. "And I'll bite, that was a good one." 

"Thank you, Daniel." 

"You're welcome, _Steven._ " 

Steve laughs. 

"What, what is so funny? All I said was 'you're welcome.'" 

"I know, but I was imagining your face as you said it. And I’ve had ten years to get to know you and your many faces, I know what face you made just now so don't even bother denying it." 

"Uh huh... I think all that time away is starting to get to you because you're not making any sense." 

"You saying I made sense before?" 

"...shut up." 

Steve grins. "Make me." 

"Asshole," Danny mutters. There's a beep over the line and Steve frowns. Danny curses.

"What's up?" 

"Case," Danny sighs. "Must be bad if they're making us come in on the weekend." 

"Crime never takes a day off," Steve says. He used to appreciate that, the distraction it offered him. Now the idea drains him. "You need to go?" 

"Yeah, I'm sorry, babe. Keep in touch, okay?" 

"I'll call soon," Steve promises. "Good luck on the case." 

With a curt "thanks" Danny is gone.

_Be safe,_ Steve texts.

**Sunday, June 7, 2020**

_Random ask. How do you feel about me hanging up a photo or two in the front hall?_ _Received from Danny at 5:47 PM._

 _This is Danny Williams who's texting me right?_ _Sent from Steve at 5:51 PM._

 _What the hell's that supposed to mean? Yes it's me you schmuck._ _Received from Danny at 5:52 PM._

_1) You never ask for permission_

_2) you're never up before 6 on a weekday. Case?_ _Sent from Steve at 5:54 PM._

 _I do what I want to. So, can I?_ _Received from Danny at 5:58 PM._

 _Don't put any unnecessary holes in the wall._ _Sent from Steve at 6:00 PM._

 _Like I said, I do what I want to._ _Received from Danny at 6:01 PM._

 _You have any photos you want to go up?_ _Received from Danny at 6:08 PM._

Steve does actually think about this.

 _No._ _Sent from Steve at 6:11 PM._

 _Mary and Joannie, actually._ _Sent from Steve at 6:12 PM._

 _Make sure the pic of you/Gracie/Charlie/Eddie goes up or I'll come back and hang it myself._ _Sent from Steve at 6:13 PM._

 _Careful or I'll start thinking you're a control freak. But 👍_ _Received from Danny at 6:13 PM._

 _What gave you that idea?_ _Sent from Steve at 6:14 PM._

 _Show me when you're done._ _Sent from Steve at 6:14 PM._

 _No rush._ _Sent from Steve at 6:14 PM._

 _Steven? Kindly stfu Rome wasn't built in a day. You'll see it when I'm done and not a moment before that._ _Received from Danny at 6:15 PM._

 _So pushy._ _Sent from Steve at 6:15 PM._

 _You love it._ _Received from Danny at 6:16 PM._

 _Maybe but I'll never admit it out loud._ _Sent from Steve at 6:17 PM._

 _Sure you won't._ _Sent from Steve at 6:20 PM._

**Tuesday, June 16, 2020**

_Charlie's asking about you. Wants to call._ _Received from Danny at 7:32 AM._

 _Sorry, just saw this. You have him tomorrow? We can call._ _Sent from Steve at 9:48 AM._

 _All good. He's with me all week, yeah. Rachel and I have the kids for a week at a time over the summer remember?_ _Received from Danny at 9:59 PM._

 _That's right. I take it he's asleep?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:02 AM._

 _Out cold, yeah. Eddie's with him in your bed. Junior's not home yet but he said he would be so..._ _Received from Danny at 10:03 AM._

 _That's right. I take it he's asleep?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:04 AM._

 _Where're you sleeping?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:04 AM._

 _It okay if I call?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:05 AM._

 _Since when do you ask?_ _Received from Danny at 10:06 AM._

"It doesn't bother you that I call without asking first," Steve says once Danny answers. "Don't try and tell me otherwise, I know you too well." 

"Uh huh. And you figured that out how?" 

"You haven't been ranting or calling me a neanderthal animal every time I call without asking?" Steve ventures. 

Danny laughs quietly. "Yeah, okay, I'll own up to that one. What I can say, I don't actually mind the calls. Even the ones in the middle of the night or while I'm at work." 

"You love them. Gives you an excuse to stop your paperwork." 

"Yeah, maybe." Steve thinks he can hear the smile in Danny's voice. "So, where're you now?" 

"Moscow. Beautiful city, Danny. Picked up a few words of Russian already too. I'm enjoying it here so far." Learning some of the languages, even just a few words, is something helpful to Steve, he’s found. A worthy distraction, a hobby of sorts. Gives him something to focus on when his brain is trying to circle back to things he doesn’t want to think about. 

"Remember to use эта водка на вкус как моча, 'this vodka tastes like piss,'" Danny says, laughing a little. The memory of that case makes Steve smile, only because of the surprise and pride he'd felt when Danny had tossed out a few Russian phrases casually at the consulate as if it was nothing. 

Which is a nice reminder that there are so many layers to Danny Williams. So many expressions and hidden motivators that even now, Steve is still learning. Still new faces and moods to categorize and come to understand. 

He's the one mystery Steve has yet to solve, even after ten years of devoting his time, life, and heart to the effort. (He’s willing to spend the rest of his life trying to figure out everything there is to know about Danny.)

"I'll try and find a bar so I can do just that," Steve says, rolling his eyes. They both know he won't. 

"What're your plans for the day?"

"Going to the market, talking to some of the locals. Learning more about the city. Didn't explore much yesterday." Steve pauses. "Any plans with your night?" 

"I think I'm officially an old man," Danny declares, "because I think after we hang up and I take a shower, I'll probably go to bed." 

"Going to bed before ten o'clock? You really are an old man." 

"Shut up," Danny grumbles. "If you were here working a case and then going home to take care of an energetic six-year-old, you'd be tired too. No, exhausted." 

"I'm a Navy SEAL. Six-year-olds can't wear me down." 

Danny laughs. "Babe, I'd pay you a good two hundred bucks to come prove that to me. I'd even give you another hundred at the end as sympathy money when you inevitably find yourself half-asleep on the sofa at night. Parenthood is the best thing that could ever happen to you but it also takes all of your energy. By the time they are asleep, you want to sleep too. Also, after years of helping me raise Grace and Charlie, how do you not know this already?”

"I know this is true for _you_ but I refuse to admit it’s the same for me. Remember, I have years of tactical training," Steve says. "Just take him outside, let him run around and play, and he'll wear himself out while we watch from the sidelines." 

"Mm hmm, because if Charlie looked you in the eyes and asked you to come play with him, you'd be able to say no." 

"Well, no," Steve admits. 

"Just proved my point, babe. You'd spend the entire day playing with him and then end up next to me on the sofa right now, half asleep before ten." 

"It's a possibility," Steve says. "Not a very big one, but I admit the possibility exists." 

Danny just laughs. 

It's quiet for a moment after. "You have any interest in skyping tomorrow instead of calling?" Danny asks. "Grace will be with Charlie all day doing god-knows-what but when I'm home from work, we could call then? It'd be nice to see you." 

"Yeah," Steve says, smiling to himself at the idea. "I'd like that, it’d be nice to see Gracie and Charlie. You think Eddie can make a guest appearance?" 

"Whoa, hey," Danny says. "It'd be good to see Gracie and Charlie, Eddie with a guest appearance, what about me?" 

"Eh," Steve shrugs. "Trying to only look at things that spark joy right now." 

"Hey!" Danny cries out indignantly. "I'll have you know that I am very nice to look at and if that doesn't spark joy, you can go ahead and stuff it and I'll end this call and go to bed right now!" 

Steve can't help but laugh. "Don't try and fish for compliments, we both know you're handsome," he says. "Now, do you promise to put Eddie on the camera later so I can say hi to him?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Danny grumbles. "You jerk."

"How am I a jerk?" 

"You didn't say you were looking forward to seeing me," Danny pouts. 

There's a pause. 

Steve fills it by saying, completely serious, "Didn't think I had to say the obvious. I miss you the most, how have you not realized that?" 

There's another pause. 

Danny clears his throat. "Yeah, I miss you too. Your side of the bed's getting cold." 

"Since when do I have a side of my own bed?" Steve asks, amused. 

"Since you left and told me to keep it warm. And I have been, well, just the right side of the bed, actually. Eddie stays either by my feet or on your side of the bed but because it's not an every-night practice, your side of the bed is going cold. It’s a shame, really.”

"Okay, let me ask another question: why is the left side my side and not yours?" 

"Because when I first moved into your bed, I was putting a pillow on the left side of the bed to secure my arm when I was sleeping so I didn't aggravate my injuries," Danny snarks back. "Now it's what I'm used to and besides, I like the right side of the bed. If you have a problem with it, come back and move me yourself." 

"You'd like that." 

"You manhandling me? Nah, I'm not really the bottom type." 

"And I am?" 

"I think you'd like to think otherwise but yeah, you are." 

"Babe, if either one of us is the bottom, it's you. You said it yourself, I'm a topper." 

"When did I say that?" 

"I don't know, years ago. You said it, don't you remember?" 

"No, I don't remember, Steven. Probably because I didn't say it." 

"False. You said it." 

"Prove it."

"Prove it? I didn't record the conversation!" 

"Then I didn't say it." 

"You're unbelievable. Why am I spending my morning talking to you?" Steve groans. 

Danny just laughs. "Because out of everyone, I'm the person you miss the most." 

"I am going to regret telling you that," Steve grumbles. 

"Maybe. I think I'll enjoy it though." 

"Goodbye, Daniel," Steve says, shaking his head. He's laughing too though. 

"Oh, so you're kicking me off the phone now? That's cold, even for you." Danny sounds equally as amused as Steve feels.

"Yes I am but only because you're old and need to go to bed early." 

"Jerk," Danny says with no real heat in his voice. 

"You don't mind though," Steve says. "Danny, before you go- thanks." 

"Um, for what?" 

"Talking." Steve shrugs. "I've missed this." 

"Yeah, me too." Danny's quiet for a moment. "I am probably going to go though, but before I do, there is one thing I need to say." 

"Okay?" 

"I'd let you manhandle me any time you want." 

The line disconnects before Steve can respond and he's left staring at his phone, more flustered than he'd like to admit at the mental image Danny's parting words provided. 

**Monday, June 29, 2020**

It's three minutes past one in the morning in Paris, making it three minutes past one in the afternoon in Oahu. Danny's lunch break is over and Steve knows from texting with Danny and the others the day prior that they've been working- through the weekend too- on a high-profile case. 

Steve still decides to call. He doesn't intend for the call to last long anyway.

"Hey, how's your sleep going?" 

"Ha ha, you're such a comedian. It's going fine, tonight's just a fluke." 

"Oh, because you've really been sleeping through the night more than you've been up all night with your insomnia or nightmares." 

The words sting a little to hear. "I catch you at a bad time?" Easier to deflect than to admit it. 

"No, no, I'm sorry. Just this case, dragged on for too many days. We got 'im but it was a lot," Danny sighs. He sounds weary too. "You okay? What's wrong, why're you up so late?" 

"One's not that late." 

"It sorta is. Insomnia tonight?" 

"Too many thoughts running through my head." 

"Okay, run 'em by me then. We'll wear 'em out together and then you can go to sleep." 

"That easy, huh?" 

"Nothing's ever easy for us, babe. Come on, work with me here." 

Steve hesitates. "You're not busy?" 

"Just began my paperwork for the case so no, feel free to give me a reason to hold off. I'll be here the next several hours anyway, need everyone's reports to sign off on before I can go." 

Steve smiles a little. "You running 5-0 now?" 

"I'm running the investigative side minus all the field work," Danny corrects. "I'm SIC at the moment, sort of." 

"I thought you were going to run the team in my absence?" 

"Turned it down. When I'm cleared for active duty next week, hopefully, I'll be SIC officially, both on and off the field." 

"Turned it down? I don't get it, why would you do that? Who's running the team?" 

"Cole's in charge- remember, he's a sub-you, and Lou is SIC. Also, not really a new development but I think there's something between Adam and Quinn." 

"Danny, why'd you turn down running the team?" 

"I didn't want to run it?" Danny says as if it should be obvious. "You know, that's sort of the reason why people turn down offers of various calibers." 

"Why not?" 

"Now you're just deflecting because you don't want to tell me what's keeping you up." 

"Thinking about Catherine," Steve says. "Now, you gonna tell me why you turned down the offer from the governor, and at my request, that you take over the team?" 

"Didn't want to run the team without you there," Danny fires back. "I thought Catherine left before you went to New York, what happened? You want to get back together with her or something?" 

There's an underlying current in his tone. Anger, maybe? Frustration? 

Sadness, Steve thinks. That and frustration? 

"All this time I've told myself she was the one that got away." Steve shrugs, pauses as he gets comfortable in bed. "I think I've finally realized she was the one who wasn't meant to be." 

"Took you long enough. What made you finally realize the truth?" 

"The truth?" Steve bristles. "Look, I know you didn't like us together but you don't get to make that decision. At the time, she and I were happy." 

"You were happy when she was actually around." 

"Now you're just being hurtful." 

"I'm not trying to be, I'm being serious. She was always in-and-out of your life, never willing to stick around and be there for you in the ordinary moments of your life that weren't falling apart." 

"Wow, thanks, Daniel."

"I'm not trying to be a dick, all I'm saying is, you deserved someone who wanted to see you at your best and at your worst, who was always there for you and never felt the need to put you on the backburner- especially when she knew you were planning to propose. You can't lie to me and tell me her leaving all the time didn't hurt you because I know it did. I hated seeing you upset. You deserved better from her then and you still do now. You deserve someone who makes you happy, who loves and cares about you for everything that you are. I know she cares about you but she wasn’t good at showing that, that's all I'm saying." 

"If this conversation was intended to help me in some way, it is not currently working, nor do I feel loved or cared about that you claim is so important, so I'm going to hang up now," Steve says coldly. 

He doesn't wait for Danny to reply. 

**Saturday, July 4, 2020**

_**[Draft]** Danny, I just wanted to say _

_**[Draft]** I’m not very good at this but_

_**[Draft]** I’m sorry._

He should probably just call. 

Steve turns his phone off, rolls over and stares at the wall. 

**Thursday, July 9, 2020**

_What'd the doc say, you good to go?_ _Sent from Steve at 1:30 PM._

 _Didn't get cleared for active duty. Reassessing in two weeks._ _Received from Danny at 1:52 PM._

 _I'm sorry,_ Steve says, _What'd she say, what's wrong?_

He doesn't get a response.  _  
_

**Saturday, July 11, 2020**

_[Draft] Look, Danny, I don’t like how we left things_

_[Draft] Can we talk?_

_[Draft] I’m sorry for overreacting when we spoke on the phone last. Can I call?_

He sounds robotic. Apathetic, cold. 

Steve deletes his messages once again, letting his apology go unsaid.   


**Monday, July 13, 2020**

_You got a sec?_ _Sent from Steve at 1:22 PM._

 _Sure, what's up?_ _Received from Adam N. at 1:54 PM._

 _Why didn't Danny get cleared for active duty?_ _Sent from Steve at 1:57 PM._

 _Don't know man he's keeping that to himself. Don't even know if Cole knows the truth. Think Lou does tho._ _Received from Adam N. at 2:00 PM._

 _Why don't you just ask Danny?_ _Received from Adam N. at 2:02 PM._

 _Danny and I fought, we aren’t really talking at the moment. I'll ask Lou, thanks._ _Sent from Steve at 2:05 PM._

 _You guys will sort it out. Just call him. And I will say this: when Danny came back from his appointment, he looked pretty worried. So if there’s anything I can do for him, just let me know._ _Received from Adam N. at 2:07 PM._

 _Thanks man._ _Sent from Steve at 2:07 PM._

Lou’s response...is bad. 

Steve takes a second to focus on breathing as Lou's responding text to his query stares back at him.  _Doc said there was something going on with his lungs. Maybe asthma related. He has two weeks to continue PT and training. If he passes the physical for the doc and for the department’s entry exam, he's good to go._

Something with his lungs. Maybe asthma related. 

Steve feels ill. 

_Doc said my PT therapist didn't like how short-breathed I got at the end of the mile I was doing with her. Might be a sign of asthma. They’re giving me time to continue to heal. If nothing changes, they’ll start running tests._ _Received from Danny at 10:24 PM._

 _Look, I know Lou told you what’s going on. I'm fine, not worried about this. I can run no problem. I'll prove as much in two weeks._ _Received from Danny at 10:25 PM._

Steve drops his phone onto the floor and buries his face in his hands. 

**Friday, July 17, 2020**

_Charlie says hi._ _Received from Danny at 6:34 PM._

 _I hope you’re doing okay._ _Received from Danny at 6:35 PM._

 _Tell Charlie I say hi._ _Sent from Steve at 7:01 PM._

**Saturday, July 18, 2020**

_**[Draft]** I’m sorry_

_Can we talk?_ _Sent from Steve at 4:45 AM._

 _I’ve got the kids right now._ _Received from Danny at 5:06 AM._

 _Monday?_ _Received from Danny at 5:06 AM._

 _Sure._ _Sent from Steve at 5:09 AM._

He’s more nervous than he’d like to admit. 

**Monday, July 20, 2020**

It's a little past four-thirty am in London, a little past five-thirty pm in Oahu. Steve thinks about waiting a little longer to make sure that Danny’s home but he's avoided this call for three weeks now, and it’s not just because of their argument. 

They went from texting almost every day or calling once a week to exchanging only a few messages each week over the course of three weeks- all of which have been pleasantries, updates on the team or Charlie and Grace, or a simple update on their lives as they continue to ignore the elephant in the room. 

They've barely _talked_ and that’s after fighting and having learned Danny might have asthma. 

The distance between them isn’t right. 

Steve calls.

"I don't like the way we left things," he says as soon as the line connects. 

The line is quiet. "Neither do I," Danny says finally. 

"We're supposed to resolve our arguments before we go to bed. I shouldn't have waited so long before calling." 

"Goes both ways, it's not just on you. I coulda called too." 

"Why didn't you?" Steve asks quietly.

"Didn't know if you'd answer." There's some shuffling over the line for a moment before it's quiet. "Look, I'm sorry. It's not my place to judge or say anything about you and Catherine. You two made a good couple and I shouldn't have criticized or made less of your relationship with her. I know how special her relationship was to you. And I also shouldn’t have given my opinion on it, I was out of line and I’m sorry.”

"Your opinion always matters to me, Danny. And I know now that what you were saying was coming from a place of love, you were just trying to look out-”

"There are times when I'm better off not talking, I know that," Danny interrupts. He sounds about as awful as Steve feels. As far as making up goes, this is a shitty resolve to an unnecessary argument. "I'll work on it. Look, enjoy wherever you're at now, okay? I've got to go, I’ve got a PT appointment in a few. Take care of yourself." 

The line is dead before Steve can even begin to formulate a response. 

**Friday, July 24, 2020**

Steve is somewhere between deciding to pull an all-nighter or just go to bed at seven so he can get a few hours' sleep when his phone dings. 

_Cleared for active duty! Go back on Mon._ _Received from Danny at 6:39 AM._

 _That’s great! Happy for you, Danno._ _Sent from Steve at 6:55 AM._

**Sunday, August 2, 2020**

It's twelve-fifty-four in the morning in Hong Kong. Which makes it six-fifty-four in the morning on Oahu, of the day prior on Hong Kong time. Steve's actually almost asleep when the phone rings but a quick glance at the caller ID has him sitting up in bed and answering the call. 

"Hey, Danny, everything okay?" 

Today is Sunday in Hong Kong which makes it Saturday in Oahu and Steve knows his partner. Being up before seven on a Saturday is not normal behavior for him. 

He also has never called Steve first in all the months he's been gone.

The line is quiet. Too quiet. Void of all sounds, including breathing. It's like Danny isn't there. Has the call been dropped? Did Danny mute the line?

"Danny?" Steve asks more forcefully, pulling the phone away from his ear to check the connection before bringing it back when he sees they’re still connected. "Yo, you with me?"

There’s a flutter of noise all at once; sounds of someone moving around, a slight pounding, like an object brushing against something else. Heavy breathing, fast, panicked. Everything he hears sounds off, like something is wrong. 

"Tell me you and I are okay," Danny blurts out, pleads. "I can't sleep at night, it's all I think about. You have enough to deal with without me adding shit to your plate. Are we good? Did I mess everything up?" He sounds breathy, anxious. “It's the middle of the night for you, isn't it, I should go-" 

He sounds borderline a panic attack. 

"Hey, where's this coming from?" Steve asks. "’Course we're okay. One disagreement is nothing on ten years of friendship, Danno. What's going on in that head of yours, huh?" 

"Nothing, just making sure," Danny says. It doesn't sound like nothing. "You're in China now, yeah?" 

"Danny…" 

"Come on," Danny says. He doesn't beg but it's a near thing. 

"Yeah, I'm in China," Steve says quietly. "Beautiful city, Hong Kong. Everyone is really nice and polite. It's peaceful." 

"Good." 

Steve feels like Danny's about to make an excuse to leave and hang up so he says, "Tell me about your first week back in the field. How'd it go?" 

"It was fine. 'M partnered with Cole mostly and he reminds me of you, a lot. Daredevil attempts, crazy stunts that shouldn't be possible but somehow are… Junior and I've been partnering too, so far. He's a sub you too, just in more subtle and quieter ways." 

Danny exhales and it comes out much too shaky for Steve's liking. Either Danny just had a panic attack or he's struggling not to have one now. "In the moment, I didn't like what you said because it hit too close to home," Steve offers quietly. He knows they need to talk about it, knows Danny needs to hear it from him in order to feel better about their relationship and where they stand. "I know you had my best interests in mind, Danny, you always do. And what you said? I needed to hear it, even if I wasn't willing to admit it at the time." 

Instead of responding to that, Danny just says, "Tell me where you've been the past month?" He sounds less breathy which is something, at least.

"Started in Paris, then London, Dublin, and now Hong Kong. Following the big cities as I hop countries," Steve says, smiling a little. "It's pretty cool, some of the sights in these towns. Lot of history. I'm headed to Germany on Monday, then Poland; I want to visit a few World War II memorials." 

There's a quiet shuffling on the line before Danny asks, "Is it helping, being away?" It’s the first time he’s asked since Steve’s been gone. 

"Been sleeping worse these last few weeks," Steve admits. "But during the day I think it's helped, to visit these places and learn of the struggles that people have endured in these towns. Each story has a different lesson I've learned, something new for me to file away to review later. It's surface level for now, letting me acquire knowledge and learn from other people’s stories before I begin sorting through my own." 

"Where else are you gonna go?" 

"I was thinking somewhere in Australia, maybe heading to Puerto Rico to volunteer with their relief efforts…" Steve trails off. "Maybe Chile or Brazil? I'm wrapping up Europe after Poland and I don't really have any concrete plans before I head back to the Mainland." 

"Gonna visit Mary and Joannie again?" 

"Absolutely," Steve agrees. "Was thinking of visiting Sam. Think there's a lot that he could help me with."

"Sam's the one who’s a SEAL too?" Danny checks. "I remember him. He works with NCIS outta Los Angeles, helped us with a case while you were away with Shelbourne, I think." 

"Sounds about right." Steve hesitates. "He lost his wife three years ago; she was kidnapped and murdered by a terrorist Sam put away on an old NCIS mission. It was revenge, pure and simple." 

"God, that's horrible," Danny murmurs. "I- I can't imagine that." 

"Yeah," Steve murmurs. After losing Danny and nearly _losing_ him because Daiyu Mei wanted to get to _him_... His story aligns with Sam's and what-could-have-been all too scarily. It's why he wants to talk to Sam, to learn how to cope with that guilt. 

Snapping out of the dark path that thought takes him down, Steve adds, "Was thinking of visiting Joe's ranch for a bit. Seeing Freddie's folks. When the fall semester has started back, I’d like to visit Grace too, if she'd have me." 

"’Course she will," Danny says. "You know how much she loves you." 

"I love her too," Steve says. Just the thought of his partner's eldest child makes his heart swell in his chest with all the affection and love he has for her. "After that, I think I'll come home." 

"You've planned all the way to coming back to Hawaii?" Danny asks, surprised. 

"That's always been part of the plan. Venture around, go where I feel drawn to and learn from my adventures. Return home once I'm ready and begin therapy." 

The line is quiet for a moment. "There's no rush," Danny finally says. "We'll be here waiting for you no matter how long it takes." 

"I know." And Steve does. He might have been gone for almost four months, but he still texts everyone on the team on a regular basis, including Quinn, Adam, and, to a much lesser extent, Cole. 

He tells them about his trip and they update him on the team and Danny. It's how he knows- more so than just what Danny's said- that while his partner has done remarkably well in his healing process, his insomnia has definitely worsened. He's also learned that Danny has begun therapy for PTSD and anxiety, but because Danny hasn't mentioned it to him yet, he's kept that one to himself. 

But regardless of what's going on in their lives or the time difference that puts a hindrance on communicating, he still talks to everyone. They are truly ohana in every sense of the word and it's taken leaving to help him realize that for everything he has lost in the last ten years, he has also gained tenfold. 

The line is quiet as Steve muses and it's towards the end of his thoughts that he picks up on the fact that Danny's breathing has shifted some, becoming deeper ever so slightly. 

_Danny has finally calmed._

_Maybe enough to fall asleep._

The realization sends a bolt of _something_ to his heart and Steve can't contain his smile as he settles back down into the sheets of the bed. "Was thinking about you and Eddie the other night," Steve murmurs, closing his eyes. "About how he would run back and forth between the lanai and the kitchen to check on me while I was swimming and so he could beg from you while you cooked breakfast. And how after the accident, he'd alternate between looking out the window for you and going to the kitchen to beg from me." 

"I never fed him so he never begged from me. However, you on the other hand, he begged from you all the time because you fed him eggs," Danny murmurs. 

"That's a lie and you know it," Steve says. "I only fed him when you ran over on your run and came to breakfast late."

"I was on time, you were just starting breakfast early." 

"Uh huh, whatever you say, buddy." Steve exhales deeply and says quietly, "I keep thinking about how Eddie would be curled up on the far side of the sofa every Friday and Saturday night because we'd be occupying the rest of the space as we watched reruns of sports games or whatever else was on TV at the time. Eddie always slept to your left and you always seemed to fall asleep basically in my arms…" Steve yawns and adds, "You ever think the reason why people think we're a couple is because we cuddle?" 

"We tell each other _'I love you'_ all the time. That makes us seem like a couple more than cuddling does." 

"I was thinking more along the lines of you calling me _'babe.'_ I think between that and the cuddling, people assume we're together." 

"Or the bickering." Danny's words are beginning to trail off and Steve knows it's because Danny's close to falling asleep. Truthfully, he's not far behind. "We’re basically an old married couple." 

"I think it’s the cuddling." 

"Maybe it is, I don’t care,” Danny mumbles. "I like it. Feels safe." 

"It's peaceful," Steve murmurs. He's not entirely sure where this conversation is going or where it was supposed to go to begin with, but if it takes both of them- both without sleep despite the time difference in their respective cities- to talk earnestly about their feelings, then it's worth any awkwardness that might later arise. 

He's nearly asleep when he realizes he just considered snuggling with Danny on the sofa peaceful. 

_What is it exactly that you're looking for?_

_Peace._

He's at peace with Danny. 

Steve files that away for later note and listens to the lullaby of Danny's breathing over the line as he follows his partner into slumber. 

**Tuesday, August 11, 2020**

Steve calls just over a week later from the side of the road as he goes on his daily run. It’s early, just past six-thirty in the morning, but Steve was able to fall asleep at midnight so he’s enjoying the extra sleep and the boost that comes from it. 

Danny answers after the second ring with an abrupt, "Hey, what's up?"

Steve hesitates. "Everything okay?" 

"Yeah, it's fine, we're just suiting up." There's some shuffling over the line. "Yeah, Lou, I'm with you. Tani with Quinn?" 

"I can call later?" Steve offers, a touch concerned. Danny sounds distracted. _Tense._

"No, no, it's fine, just give me a sec. We're partnering up and heading to the car, then I can talk…" Danny trails off and it's quiet. There's soft murmuring in the background. "No, it's good. I'm ready, let's go." 

_"Who're you on the phone with?"_ Steve hears Tani ask. " _Wait, is that your better half?"_

"Yes, and no, it's my time to talk to him so you may not," Danny says. 

_"But-_ " 

"No buts," Danny says firmly. "Get in the car, Rey. No, hey, that's my- _hey!"_

"Hi, Tani," Steve says, amused. 

"Hey, bossman, how's it going?" Tani asks, sounding happy to hear from him. "Hey, Danny-"

"Punk," Danny says fondly to her. "I'll tell him to call you later, don't worry!" There's more shuffling over the line, followed by the sounds of a car door closing. "Sorry," Danny says. "I think Tani's a little energetic without her SEALPup to rein her in today."

"Nice one," Steve says, rolling his eyes when Danny laughs at his own joke. "I take it you've been energetic too?" 

"Excuse me?" Danny sputters. "I'm the one who would rein _you_ in, buddy. Don't try and tell me otherwise, liar." 

"We kept each other in line," Steve compromises. "You're just as crazy as I am."

"Whoa, _hey_ , if you're just gonna throw around unprecedented accusations then I'm just gonna go-" 

"Okay, okay," Steve laughs, huffing a little as he increases his speed. "Tell me about the case, must be big if you're still working at six-thirty." 

"Got it in one," Danny agrees. "Are you jogging?" 

"Getting in a couple of miles before breakfast, yeah." 

"Wow, I’m flattered to get to keep you company. And your assessment is correct, it's a high profile case. Someone tried to run two decorated Army Rangers on leave off the road this morning. Turns out one of their former ops wants revenge and is targeting the two rangers specifically who arrested him. We've traced them back to a property in Waikiki so we're headed there now." 

"This target, wasn't he in custody?" 

"He's in Guantanamo as we speak. Six months in on three different life sentences. He got a message out to his crew somehow and they tried to knock the two Rangers off when they came to the island for a quick vacation between deployments." 

"Any casualties?" 

"None so far but according to intel from the FBI, the Army, and staff _and_ prisoners at Guantanamo, he's got at least five men on the island doing his dirty work for him." 

"Who's your partner?" 

"Cole. He and I are breaching the front, Lou's with us, and Tani and Quinn are taking the back." 

"Junior and Adam?" 

"Working a cold case with HPD after a second body dropped last night with a matching M-O as the first vic." 

Steve rounds the corner and keeps going, frowning a little. "Be safe, okay? This sounds serious." 

"Yeah, but we'll be good. I think we're all ready to put this one to bed and go home for the day. After we have dinner."

"You haven't eaten?" 

"No time. New intel from the FBI came last minute and we were suited up and on the way in minutes. I'll probably throw something in the microwave when I get home, got leftovers from last night." 

Steve's about to respond when Danny says, "We're pulling up, I've got to go. Call later?" 

"Yeah, that's fine," Steve agrees. "Listen, be-" 

Gunshots shatter his words.

"Danny?" Steve cries out, coming to a complete stop in the middle of his jog as the world disappears for a moment. _"Danny!"_

The other end of the line is completely silent.

 _On the phone with Danny..._

"Danny!" 

_Gunshots._

_No response._

He can scream Danny's name as much as he wants; the call has been dropped and no response is coming. 

Steve whirls and takes off down the street at a sprint. _Phone call. Danny. Gunshots. No response._

_Please be okay._

The latter thought crosses his mind on a loop, becoming Steve's mantra as he runs. _Please be okay._

If Danny's not… 

He doesn't want to think about it.

_Please be okay._

When he's finally able to resurface from his thoughts, maybe a minute later- definitely longer judging by the fact he's almost back to his hotel instead of half a mile away… 

If there's an end to that thought, Steve doesn't know it. He stares absently at the app on his phone as he blindly makes his way up to his room. Waiting anxiously for Danny's name to appear on his screen. 

One minute. 

Two. 

Three. 

Steve closes his eyes and works on focusing his breathing. _Please be okay._

If Danny's not… 

_Please._

It's now past seven. 

Too many minutes have passed since the call disconnected. Maybe ten? Fifteen?

Almost thirty, actually. 

Too many.

Steve paces. 

Twenty minutes goes by. Another twenty after that.

Steve calls Danny. It goes straight to voicemail. 

For the first time in the four months and some change that he’s been gone, Steve wishes with everything in him that he could be back in Oahu right now with the team. It’s the first time he has seriously entertained the thought since he left. 

_Please be okay_. 

He doesn't even know if his partner is even _alive_. He doesn’t know if Danny’s been shot in cold blood or if he somehow has escaped unharmed. He doesn’t know if-

There’s too many unknown variables to consider. Steve knows 5-0 was going after the men of a dangerous terrorist who had tried to kill two soldiers. He knows it’s a high profile case working in conjunction with the FBI and the Army. And he knows that immediately upon arrival to arrest the men working for the terrorist, 5-0 had been ambushed. 

He knows it’s bad.

Going back to Oahu sounds appealing now. 

He could rejoin 5-0. Be there to have Danny’s back. Danny has only been cleared for active duty for eighteen days and he’s already getting shot at. 

_How many times has Danny been shot at since he rejoined 5-0 for active duty?_

_How many times has Danny been shot at- how many times has he walked into danger- without him there to have Danny's back?_

Steve hates this. The waiting. The uncertainty. His inability to protect Danny's six. 

He resents the fact that he’s not there to have Danny’s back himself. 

He tries to drink some water to calm down but his hands are shaking, badly. He nearly drops the water bottle, his phone doesn’t ring; Steve resumes his pacing.

His ringer is on for the sole purpose of him knowing exactly when Danny calls. Over an hour has passed since the gunshots. 

Radio silence ever since. 

Not even a text. 

Steve is getting antsy.

Maybe borderline a panic attack. 

The phone rings.

Steve pounces, inhaling on the first ring and exhaling a scared "Danny?" before the second one as he struggles to keep from breaking.

"Hey, Steve." Danny sounds tired. "Sorry about that. It's all good now, everyone's either in custody or waiting for Noelani and we're headed back to HQ now."

"Are you okay? Everyone else okay? Any injuries?"

"Everyone's good, no injuries. Are you-"

"What the hell happened?" Steve interrupts. "You really okay?"

He feels more than hears Danny's sigh. "Let's just say they expected us. Tani and Quinn managed to get around as we put up some cover and we managed to get them all without any of us getting hurt. Case is over, minus the paperwork… And we’re all okay. It was just a little hairy for a minute, that's all."

"You're really okay?" Steve demands. He thinks he might just break down after all. 

"Yeah, not a scratch on me. Are _you_ okay? You sound horrible." 

"No, I'm not okay!" Steve exclaims, hating the way tears sting his eyes at the proclamation. "I thought you'd been shot." 

The gunshots, the call breaking… no response to his cries… just like Daiyu Mei's attack. 

It was just all too similar. Too close to the nightmares that hold him captive more nights than he'd like to admit. On those nights, that's when he calls. When he knows he won't be able to breathe properly until he hears Danny's voice and knows for a fact that Danny's alive. 

"Oh shit," Danny breathes. "I'm sorry, Steve, I didn't even make that connection. Listen to me, okay? I'm perfectly fine. Not a scratch on me, not even a papercut. They lit us up as we pulled in but we had good cover in the car. And everyone is okay, no one has so much as a splinter on them and trust me, I checked." 

"Okay," Steve exhales shakily, putting his phone on speaker as he buries his face in his hands. Only hearing Danny’s voice and reassurances that he’s okay helps and has always helped him calm down up until this point but now, Steve's not so sure if it’ll be enough to calm him anymore. 

"You with me, Steve?" Danny asks quietly. 

"Yeah," Steve murmurs. "Just give me a minute."

"I'll just talk until you're ready, yeah? It's about seven-forty right now so I'll be home in time to give Eddie a very late dinner," Danny says. "Grace left last week for school and Charlie's with Rachel for one last extended weekend away before school starts back so Eddie's been alone all day." 

"He's a good boy."

"He is," Danny agrees. "Probably waiting for me at the door. So I'm thinking, I'll feed him and then go for a run on the beach, maybe catch the ten o'clock news before going to bed. Maybe work on finding another picture for my project because I still haven't finished hanging pictures on the front wall." 

"Junior won't send me a pic and show me what you've done," Steve murmurs. "He says it's a surprise." 

"It is. Consider it your housewarming gift when you come back." 

Steve takes a deep breath and finds he's able to get a full breath of air. He finallys lifts his head from his hands, picks up his phone. "Thanks," he says quietly. 

He doesn't specify why but Danny seems to get it. He always does. "You feeling better?" he asks. 

"Somewhat, yeah."

"Better than nothing," Danny says. "I've got another fifteen minutes left on my drive if you want to stay on the line?"

Steve clears his throat, scrubs at his eyes one last time. "Yeah, that's fine." 

"Good, then you gonna finally tell me about Krakow?" 

Steve manages a small smile and begins. 

**Sunday, August 23, 2020**

Steve plans it out so he calls exactly at midnight. He’s awake at 5:50 AM for the sole purpose of making this call specifically at midnight back in Oahu because he wants to be the first person to wish Danny a happy birthday.

Right at 5:59 AM- 11:59 PM back in Oahu- Steve calls. 

Danny answers almost immediately, as if his phone was in his hand. As if he was waiting for Steve to call. Which, knowing him, is probably true. 

"Hey, Steve," Danny greets. "How's Puerto Rico?" 

"It's good, we're three days into building a home for a single dad and his three kids," Steve says. "Should be done by next Sunday when I leave. Listen, happy birthday, Danny. I'm- I'm sorry that I'm not there. I wish I could be."

"Nah, it's good," Danny says. "I don't really make a big fuss about my birthday anyway, you know that. Grace's back in school as it is and it's a school night for Charlie to so it's probably just going to be a quiet evening at home." 

"You know everyone's coming over for dinner, right?" 

"Yeah, after ten years of the same birthday traditions, I know," Danny huffs. "I'm just saying, I'll have Charlie and we all have work tomorrow so it'll be a quiet night, no drinking." He hesitates. "It won't be the same without you here," he says quietly. 

"I know. I'm sorry, Danny."

"You don't need to apologize, it's okay. I'm not pissed or anything." 

"My present should arrive today," Steve offers. "If it hasn't already." 

"Nothing yet," Danny says. "Should I be excited or worried?" 

"Excited; I'm a great gift giver." 

"Now I'm actually concerned." 

" _Hey_ ," Steve comments. It's a habit. "You loved my Christmas gift." 

"I did," Danny concedes. "But you loved the gift I gave you more." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"I'm the better gift giver, obviously." 

"Is this a competition all of a sudden?" 

"When are things between us ever _not_ a competition?" Danny laughs. "Don't worry, I'm sure I'll love your gift. I'll even send you a play-by-play as I'm opening it." 

"Oh god, please don't," Steve says. "I know what that means, you'll tell me about the wrapping of your gift and the shape of the box and then you'll tell me you're unwrapping… all of it just to annoy me. It’s its own form of torture, I swear. Just Skype me."

"I would never," Danny says, affronted, but he also sounds amused. "But fine, I'll skype you. If only to see your face when I give you a verbal play-by-play." 

Steve just shakes his head. "Great, I look forward to it." 

"You didn't have to get me anything, you know." 

"Course I did. Today's a special day." 

"Mm hmm, thanks." 

"You know I'd be there if I could," Steve murmurs. "I’d give you a hug, give you my gift, wish you happy birthday in person." 

The line is quiet for a moment. "Yeah, I wish that too," Danny says finally. "Just give me an extra long hug when you're home and we'll call it even." 

"No kiss?" 

"Kiss? Why would I ask for a kiss?" 

"Well, you did ask me to pick a base three years ago," Steve points out. 

"Okay, fine. Hug, kiss, pick a base when you get home. I won't protest." 

"Danny Williams, not protesting? Your old age really is getting you." 

"Shut it, McGarrett. I won't protest _that_ much, how about that, satisfied?"

"Sure," Steve laughs. "Feels more believable now." 

Danny sighs loudly. "More believe- remind me again, why do I put up with you?" 

"Same reason I've said this entire time: you love me." 

Danny sighs again. He sounds fond, though. "Yeah, god help me but I do." 

Steve just grins. "I love you too."

There's another small pause and then Danny says, "So, do I get a hint on my gift?"

"Where's the fun in that?" 

"Listening to me guess and never get it right?" 

"Nah, you're a detective, you'd get it." 

"Come on, you can't come up with some vague clue to give me?" 

"Fine, fine. It's in a box." 

"It's in a- you putz, I know it's in a box!" 

Steve laughs. "I know." 

"Jerkwad," Danny grumbles. "Give me something else to work on." 

"It's small?" 

"Also doesn't help, Steven." 

"Then I guess you're going to have to wait in suspense." 

"Come on, Steve!" 

"Be a big boy, Daniel, you can wait a few hours." 

"Fifteen hours, give or take, is not a few hours!" 

"Then I guess you'll have to be patient." Steve takes a quiet breath and says, "Look, it's not much, the gift. My note explains it but if you do open it during the skype call, I'll explain it then too. Just don't get your hopes up for anything big, okay?" 

"Steve, stop worrying, it'll be fine, I'll love it. Unless you give me something crazy like a Hawaiian shirt with pineapples on it, I'm sure I'll love it. It's from you, after all."

Steve smiles a little, endeared. 

Still, they don't just admit those things easily so he says, "What if I got you cargo pants?" 

"Then I will be on the next flight to Puerto Rico to kick your ass back home." 

"Doesn't sound like that much of a punishment to me." 

"We'll go to Jersey then. Surround you with all the Williams cousins, babies, aunts, uncles, my parents, Stella, Bridget… you wouldn't stand a chance." 

"You kidding? I put up with you, don't I? If I can do that successfully, I can put up with your family." 

"Bold words, Steve. Be prepared to eat them when I finally drag you to Jersey to meet everyone." 

"Yeah?" Steve asks. 

"Yeah, _yeah_. My grandma might be eighty-six but she's feisty and will be first in line to sit you down and get a meal in front of you. Then Ma, then my aunts… the _second_ I call and say we're coming, everyone will begin cooking. And then, everyone will be around you, asking you about how we met, to tell stories about your time as a SEAL, to share any embarrassing stories you have of me...oh, and then they'll ask why you haven't put a ring on me yet." 

"Why do I have to propose, why not you?" 

"You're the control freak, not me. Trust me, my family has heard enough stories to know you'd propose to me before I even got the chance to open my mouth." 

"Does that mean you'd try to propose to me?" Steve's grinning. 

"Of course I would, you goof. Just for that utterly idiotic question, I _will_ be dragging you to Jersey with me- if not for Christmas, than for Easter." 

"Do your worst, Danno," Steve says fondly. 

"Mm hmm. Trust me, I will." 

"I look forward to it." 

He can almost see Danny rolling his eyes in his mind. "You're nuts, you know that?" 

"Gotta be to put up with you," Steve says cheerfully, unable to keep from grinning when Danny's response is to sputter over the line. In moments like this, when it's just the two of them joking around, flirting a little… everything just feels calmer. A little brighter. 

"I think I actually hate you," Danny says. "I'm going to hang up now, drag my insuled self off to bed and pretend this entire phone call never happened." 

Steve just laughs. He can almost feel Danny's mock glare burning into him, even from Puerto Rico. If he were there, he'd be pulling Danny into his arms and resisting the urge to mess up his hair. And probably resisting the urge to kiss him. 

"That's impossible," he says instead. "You love me too much to hate me." 

"So you keep pointing out," Danny says, amused. 

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" 

"I think you just miss me more than you want to let on." 

Steve shrugs. "Been gone four and a half months, only skyped with you a few times. I'm not afraid to admit it." 

"We do text every day, call like once a week. Approximately." 

"Not the same," Steve says. "You used to hug me way too often for a phone call every seven to ten days to ever fill that hole." 

"Now you're just getting sentimental." 

"Nah. Sentimental is me telling you that I really miss you and I wish I could be with you today." 

"Do you now? I feel special," Danny's voice grows serious. "I wish that too, buddy. We'll get there eventually. 'S not like I'm going anywhere so whenever you're ready to come back and annoy me in person, I'll be waiting." 

"You certainly know how to make a person feel special," Steve deadpans. "Listen, I've got to go but I'll call later, yeah?" 

"Yeah, that's fine. Call whenever you're able to, everyone'll be happy to see you." 

"Alright, thanks. Take care, okay? Enjoy your birthday." 

"Thanks, Steve. Good luck today." 

Steve just smiles softly and hangs up. His lock screen looks up at him and all he can do is smile even brighter. This photo represents his world and he hopes his gift to Danny holds the same value. 

**Sunday, August 23, 2020, later** _  
Done for the night, ready when you are._ _Sent from Steve at 11:20 PM._

 _We've been waiting for you, go ahead and call already!_ _Received from Danny at 11:23 PM._

Grinning to himself and smoothing back his hair one last time, Steve presses Danny's name and selects video call. 

"Hey, babe!" Danny greets, his eyes bright as he smiles and waves at the camera. 

"Steve!" come cries of his name from various people. Steve can't help but smile as he waves back and takes in the sight of everyone in front of him: Danny, with Charlie sitting on his lap, Tani and Junior to Danny's left on the sofa, and as Danny turns and pans the phone around the room, Steve takes in the sight of Quinn, Adam and Lou; Noelani standing next to Duke; Kamekona and Flippa and Nahele; Cole; and even Rachel is there. 

Danny brings the camera back to display just him and Charlie, and Tani and Junior off to the side, and that's when Steve notices the empty spot next to Danny. _Where he'd be._

"Glad to see you haven't gotten any uglier with age," Steve says to Danny, fighting to keep a straight face as Danny groans, shaking his head as Charlie and the rest of the group seem to all burst into laughter. 

"Glad to see you haven't lost your sense of humor while away," Danny retorts. "But I think you need glasses because I'll have you know I am very attractive, thank you very much." 

"Hey, I never said you weren't attractive, I just said you didn't get any uglier." Steve winks at Charlie when the boy giggles. "What's up, Little D?" 

"Hi, Uncle Steve!" Charlie says cheerfully. "Danno's _old."_

"He is, isn't he?" Steve agrees, grinning when Danny groans again, mumbling something about his family turning against him. "Hey, did you get my present yet?" he asks. 

"I received a mysterious package from Germany with no return address, if that's what you're referencing." 

"Did you open it?" 

"No I didn't open it, you schmuck, I was waiting for you. We haven't even had dinner yet!"

"Well, then, open it so you can go eat!" Steve exclaims. 

"I'll get the gift!" Charlie cries, jumping out of Danny's arms and running off camera. Steve struggles to keep back a smile even as he feels his nerves increase. 

"I've got the camera," Tani says, taking the phone from Danny and standing up. She pans around the room briefly and Steve waves hello to everyone, exchanging a few pleasantries until he hears Charlie running back. The camera focuses back on Danny and Charlie a moment later. 

"Just so you know, if this is something even remotely related to pineapples, surfing, or the Navy, I will come punish you myself," Danny says, taking the package from Charlie. "Is it breakable?" He shakes it before Steve can respond. 

"It's uh- it's nothing fancy," Steve says. "But it could be breakable so maybe don't shake the box again?" 

"Babe, when am I not careful?" 

"Well-" 

"Don't answer that," Danny snaps to Tani off screen, who laughs. He holds the small brown-paper-wrapped package in the air and looks at Steve head-on in the camera. "The wrapping makes it look like it should be a book but it feels wrong, like it’s a frame?" 

"Open it." 

"Okay, okay, pushy," Danny grumbles. He carefully tears the paper and pulls it back, revealing the card Steve ever-so-strategically placed on top of his gift. 

"It's a card," Charlie narrates helpfully. 

As Steve watches, Danny takes the card off the gift. There's a flicker of emotion for a moment as Danny glances at his revealed gift before Danny focuses back on the card. 

Steve may or may not be holding his breath. 

_'"Danny,'"_ Danny reads aloud, _"'I'm sorry I couldn't be here with you to celebrate one of the most important days of the year. But you got me thinking with that photo project of yours, so consider this my contribution to the project. Put it on our nightstand, would you? Love, Steve.'"_

There may be thousands of miles between them and a video camera with not-stellar resolution connecting them, but Steve doesn't think he's imagining the way Danny's hands are trembling as he sets the card aside and lifts the picture frame from the paper. 

It's a picture taken the night that Grace left for her first ever semester of college with her, Charlie, Steve, and Danny all huddled together in one big hug on the lanai, grinning at each other following something Danny had said. It’s a perfect picture, Steve thinks, timed beautifully with Junior capturing the photo of them. 

Danny looks up at the camera and there is no mistaking the tears in his eyes. Steve feels like crying too; for not being there, for not being able to hug Danny on his birthday; for not seeing his smile in person...For all the love he has for the person smiling at him through tears on the video call. 

"If that photo hasn't made it to your project on the wall, I want you to put it there," Steve says. 

"Yeah, okay," Danny agrees, crying a little and not seeming to care. "Steve, thank you. I love it." 

Steve shrugs and swipes at his eyes quickly. The camera is moving closer to Danny and then suddenly Danny has his phone again and the living room is clearing out. As if everyone knows they need a moment to themselves. 

"Put it on the nightstand," Steve says quietly again. "So every time you see it, you're reminded of how loved you are. I've got the same photo with me, reminding me of what I'm fighting to come home to." 

Danny gives a watery laugh. "You're such a sentimental sap when you want to be, you know that?" 

"Only for a certain few," Steve answers. He does his next action without conscious thought, just kisses his fingertips and presses them to his camera. "I miss you," he says. "But I'll see you soon, okay?" 

"Yeah, I miss you too." Danny's eyes are bright as he mirrors the action. "I'll get everyone back in here so you can talk to them, wrap it up and go to bed. I know you've got a busy day ahead of you tomorrow." 

"I'd appreciate that, tomorrow will be starting early and ending late," Steve agrees. 

They sit in companionable silence for nearly a minute anyway. Lost in looking at each other, seeing at what's changed in four months; enjoying the view. 

A loud cough from nearby has Danny standing, gesturing that everyone can come back into the room. The moment is over just like that but he and Danny remain their connection nonetheless for the rest of the call until Steve has to go.

It felt shitty to not be with Danny on his birthday and it felt even stranger to not say _I love you_ to Danny on his birthday in person but as Steve sets his phone down and prepares for bed, he can’t help but reflect that maybe he and Danny said it anyway in all of their long looks and in all of the words they let go unsaid. 

They both know it. They both _say_ it. They just haven’t acted on it yet. 

When he's back, they will. 

When he's back, Steve will say it. And then he will act on it. 

**Friday, August 28, 2020**

_How did the case go, were you able to close it?_ _Sent from Steve at 11:47 AM._

 _Yeah. You busy?_ _Received from Danny at 11:50 AM._

 _You’re awake? I wasn’t expecting a response right away._ _Sent from Steve at 11:52 AM._

 _Are you having lunch? Can we call?_ _Received from Danny at 11:52 AM._

"Hey, Steve," Danny mumbles, sounding exhausted over the line. "You okay? How's Puerto Rico?" 

"Are you okay?" Steve asks. "You sound-" 

"Like I just got up? Yeah, you'd think," Danny yawns. "We ended the case at midnight, had to tie up some loose ends, got home around three." 

"It's past five in the morning, almost six," Steve notes. "But I didn't wake you?" 

"You'd think," Danny says again. "Haven't been able to fall asleep." 

"Something with the case keeping you up?" 

"No," Danny says. "Just been running around all week with this case, you know. I'm tired, just can't sleep. Insomnia's a bitch, right?" He doesn't sound as okay as he pretends to, he sounds weary. 

"Okay, what aren't you telling me?" Steve asks. "You took the gun smuggler down, right? Did someone get hurt?" 

"Tani caught a round in her arm. More of a graze than anything else," Danny says quietly. 

"She's okay?" 

"Yeah, think she's actually pretty pleased to have a scar." The line is quiet for a moment and Steve uses the time to get some food. "Steve, we were partnered for the raid." 

"It wasn't your fault," Steve says automatically. "Danny, I don't have to be there to know that and I'm sure Tani and the others don't blame you either." 

"That's what they all said but it doesn't feel that way," Danny murmurs. "She was my partner, I was supposed to protect her. And I- I saw the guy, Steve. I saw him raise his gun and I shot him- but he got off a shot first." 

"You did your best, Danny. You know we can't always foresee every threat and prevent every injury. You did what you could to have her back and you prevented the guy from hurting her worse. You had her back." 

"It wasn't enough," Danny says quietly. "I didn't react fast enough, wasn't aware enough… I don't know, maybe I'm not meant to do this anymore. Been a cop for twenty years-" 

"Hey," Steve interjects, his heart pounding in his chest all of a sudden. "Don't say that, Danny. You're the best cop I have ever worked with- I mean that. You did everything you could to protect Tani's back and at the end of the day, you did. You said it yourself, she just had a graze. I get being upset but talking about calling it quits, this shouldn't be enough to make you reconsider your career."

"I'm not, I'm just sorta realizing what's been in front of me this entire time." There's a pause. "I don't know what I'm saying, I've been up nearly twenty-four hours and I'm coming down off the adrenaline high. I need to sleep this off, I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning, okay?" 

"Danny-" 

"Everything okay with you? I know you're calling during your lunch hour, but I wasn't expecting a call from you until tonight." 

"No, I'm good," Steve says earnestly. "We're almost done with building this house, I know I told you about the family we're building it for, the single dad with three kids?" 

"Yeah, you told me. They're doing okay?" Danny asks. 

"They're good," Steve confirms. "You should see the kids, the closer we get to finishing this house, the more excited they get." 

"I can imagine. You're doing a really good thing, Steve." 

"Yeah," Steve murmurs. "It's just one home but I tell you, it feels like one of the most important things I've ever done." 

"To that family, it is the most important thing. You're giving them more than shelter, you know? You're giving them a place to build a home again." 

"Danny-" 

"You did that for me, you know that?" Danny says quietly. "God, Steve, I was so lonely when I first moved. It took everything I had just to get out of bed, after everything with Rachel and then being the outcast at HPD. I hated this place but then you came into my life, and I hated it a little less. You made this place better, gave me a reason to stay, you know? You made it my home." 

"Danny, what's going on, what’s wrong?" Steve asks, getting more worried by the second and wishing more than anything that he could be with Danny right now and see for himself how his partner's doing. He can tell there's something else, something Danny isn't telling him. And whatever it is- 

"Steve!" the director of the relief effort calls. "I'm sorry to interrupt but can you give me a hand?" 

Steve closes his eyes briefly. "Yes, ma'am," he says despite the anxiety that wells in his chest at Danny's tell-tale silence. "Danny, I need to-" 

"I know," Danny says. "It's not a big deal, okay? I'll tell you later." 

"Danny, whatever it is, we'll figure it out together, okay?" Steve says desperately. 

"I know," Danny answers softly. "Don't worry about me, Steve. Just having a rough few days but I'll be fine, I promise. Take care, okay? Good luck with the house." 

The call is disconnected before Steve can get the chance to respond. 

Steve's busy for the next eight hours but when they finally call it a night for the day and he's in his tent after having showered, Steve wastes no time in sending Danny a text.

 _How're you feeling?_ _Sent from Steve at 9:15 PM._

 _Tired._ _Received from Danny at 9:29 PM._

 _Can I call?_ _Sent from Steve at 9:33 PM._

 _Can we just text?_ _Received from Danny at 9:35 PM._

 _Whatever you want. You gonna tell me what's going on?_ _Sent from Steve at 9:36 PM._

 _Danny?_ _Sent from Steve at 9:44 PM._

 _I had a check-up with the doctor today. Didn't go that well._ _Received from Danny at 9:46 PM._

Steve stares at his phone. Struggles not to call. While Danny's message can mean a lot of things, he knows how to read his partner. Danny's anxiety earlier, his stress about Tani's bullet wound, getting emotional about Hawaii…

Something is wrong. 

_What does that mean, are you okay??_ _Sent from Steve at 9:47 PM._

 _Doc said he thinks I have asthma. Going for a pulmonary function test next Fri._ _Received from Danny at 9:48 PM._

Steve stares at his phone for the second time. This time calling doesn't cross his mind; he's just focusing on breathing. _Asthma?_

Asthma can limit or prevent Danny from being a police officer. Can force him into retirement. Can be deadly depending on the severity and access to an inhaler. 

Steve starts typing, feeling numb.  _I thought they’d already checked you for asthma and decided you didn’t have it. You were cleared for active duty.._

None of this makes any sense. Danny’s return to active duty had been delayed several weeks as the doctors gave him more time to recuperate because they thought he had asthma. Wasn’t he cleared of asthma when they decided he could return to active duty?

And the only way they’re back to worrying about Danny having asthma is if something happened to Danny, like struggling to breathe or experiencing tightness in his chest or…

No doubt, this is because of his bullet wound from Daiyu Mei's capture. A bullet to the chest, the second one Danny’s had in two years, would have likely damaged his lungs in irreparable ways.

_God…_

The vibrating of his phone in his hand startles Steve out of his thoughts. He looks down, sees the photo Danny texted him of him and the kids staring back at him on his lock screen. 

Steve answers the call. 

"Danny-" 

"Listen to me," Danny says quietly. "I will walk you through what happened but first, you need to know that this _is not your fault._ You hear me? It is not your fault, Steve." 

It kind of is but all Steve says is, "Okay. Tell me what happened." 

"I noticed it last week when I had to chase after our suspect; just some tightness in the chest but nothing too bad, you know? Definitely not anything worth saying something about. And then during this case, we had a runner so Tani and I took off in pursuit. We chased him for about half a mile. I don't know, I wasn't really having any difficulty breathing but my chest felt a little off, the same tightness as last week but worse. Towards the end of the chase, I was feeling worse but at that point we'd lost him so we were trying to catch our breath. Me more than Tani. Then I saw he'd doubled back and had his gun aimed at Tani...and I was too late." 

"Danny," Steve says hoarsely. 

"The case actually ended a little past eight last night. Junior and I took Tani home from the ER after she got stitched up… I couldn't sleep so I went back to the office and typed up my paperwork. My letter of resignation too, just in case," Danny says quietly. "Took a personal day today and went to see my G.P., he said there was some light wheezing in my lungs. Could be leftover exertion from the case because I hadn’t slept yet, but it also could be that I have asthma that extends past physical activity. Either way, if I do have it…" 

"You likely can't be a cop." 

"So long as you can pass the physical, you can actually still be one; it doesn’t matter if you have asthma or not. But the question is, say I do pass the physical, should I still be a cop? If it had been worse yesterday, I could have left Tani without backup all together, I could have collapsed and she would have had to focus on me instead of going after Diaz…" 

"We'll cross that road if we get there," Steve says quietly. "It could have just been exhaustion from working the case for days on end, running on empty at the end yesterday. I know it's hard but try not to dwell on the uncertainties if you can." 

"And what if it's not exhaustion and it's actually asthma? What then? Do I retire, take a desk job; what then? I have to be able to support Grace and Charlie!”

"You've thought about this before with the restaurant, yeah? You could go back to cooking at a restaurant, you could teach criminal justice at the Chaminade University of Honolulu or the Hawai’i Pacific University, you could become an instructor at the academy…" 

"I don't know." Danny sounds wrecked. "Steve, I don't know." 

"No matter what, I'll have your back," Steve says. "I’ll support you no matter what. I promise you, we'll get through this." 

"Yeah," Danny murmurs. He sounds close to tears. 

Steve doesn't feel much better himself. To hear the despair in Danny's voice and to know his partner is crying and he's not there to hold him in person, to take care of him or reassure him that everything will be okay… 

They spend the next hour and a half talking. Random things, starting with Danny's pending possible diagnosis and what Danny's retirement could look like. (They talk about it for less than ten minutes before Danny shuts it down, on the verge of a panic attack.) 

Next is Steve's progress with the house. Which leads Danny to say he included the photo Steve gave him as part of the new arrangement on the front wall. (He's about done with the project, he says, just one more photo- for now.) 

They talk about Nahele and how he is doing, about Junior and Tani, Quinn and Adam, Lou and his family, about Kamekona and Flippa's shrimp, about Neolani and her family, and about how Cole is getting along with everyone. (He’s very well liked, Danny says, and very respected among everyone.) 

It's approaching eleven in Puerto Rico when Steve starts to yawn. Danny's telling him about Charlie so Steve just settles into his sleeping bag and closes his eyes, murmuring a few words every once in a while as Danny's words wash over him. 

The line is quiet for a while before Steve realizes. "Danny?" he mumbles. 

"Yeah, I'm here. Making something for dinner," Danny says, his voice quiet but no less present. "Didn't want to hang up just yet." 

"Sorry I'm falling asleep," Steve says.

"Don't be, I know it's late and you've been working all day. Trust me, I'm going to eat something and then go to bed early myself." 

"Do the others know?" Steve asks softly. 

"I think Junior's figured it out. He saw how anxious I was after I came back from the doctor," Danny answers. "Tani probably knows too; she saw me yesterday when I was struggling." 

"Don't shut them out," Steve cautions. "They're your ohana, let them be there for you too." 

"I'm glad you've let them in while you've been gone. I thought you were going to shut us all out," Danny says. His voice is quiet and serious and it wakes Steve up a little. "That first night, I thought you weren't going to respond, not to my text, any of my calls, or to the rest of the team. I'm glad you did, and I'm glad you've kept in contact with them too." 

"You're ohana," Steve answers. "Of course I did." 

"You didn't have to," Danny says softly. "People leave, sometimes they leave behind the people back home too." 

"I wouldn't do that to them, to you." 

"Good." The line is quiet for a moment. "Come on, I'll let you go so you can sleep. Send me a picture of the house when you're done, will you?" 

"Sure," Steve agrees easily. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Take care of yourself, Danny." 

"Yeah," Danny murmurs. With a "love you, bye," Danny is gone. 

As close as he'd been to sleeping before, Steve is wide awake now. The severity of their call is sinking in now. It's bad. 

Danny might have asthma. Might resign from 5-0 and from being a cop. Might have to give up on his dreams all because of _his_ mom's cipher and her decision to give him money he never wanted- and that she should have known he wouldn't have wanted. 

All because of one woman's hatred and greed. 

All because of the pull of a trigger. A single bullet to the chest. 

Danny was shot in the chest two years ago, and then again almost five months ago; both doing damage that can never fully be undone. 

Maybe it’s that plus the Sarin too. 

_God._

One cipher. 

One woman. (Maybe one man too, if they count the man that shot Danny when they were in quarantine.) 

One bullet. (Probably two.) 

Maybe it’s his fault too for not being a better partner.

Danny might be done as a detective before Steve makes it back to Oahu. 

Nothing is guaranteed in life. 

The thought sobers him. He's up all night. 

**Wednesday, September 2, 2020**

_Thinking of you, buddy._ _Sent from Steve at 11:58 AM._

**Friday, September 4, 2020**

_Whatever happens, whatever the doc says, we will face it head on and get through it._ _Sent from Steve at 4:26 PM._

 _I know._ _Received from Danny at 4:27 PM._

 _Deep breath. You've got this._ _Sent from Steve at 4:27 PM._

 _Call me when the appt's done?_ _Sent from Steve at 4:29 PM._

Danny doesn't respond but he does read his message. Steve traces Danny's last message with his finger; his hand is trembling slightly. He puts his phone on vibrate and tucks it into his pocket. Looks up soberly at his friend.

"He'll be okay," Sam says quietly with his familiar calm focus that Steve had relied on so much when they were SEALS together. "You both will." 

"Asthma will end his career," Steve answers just as softly. "I don't know how long it will take before either of us will be okay again if that happens." 

"He's faced worse. So have you," Sam reminds. "It didn't break you then and it won't now." 

Steve is silent. 

"Tell me about Daiyu Mei," Sam requests after a minute. Steve doesn't flinch but it's a near thing. "About how you're doing after her attack." 

"I wasn't the one who got kidnapped, tortured, and shot." 

"As I'm aware, yes, your partner went through all of that." Sam's eyes bear into Steve's. "You know I know better than anyone else what it feels like to be responsible for the suffering of the person you love the most." 

Steve winces, looking away. 

"When Michelle died, a part of me died with her," Sam offers into the quiet of the room. "I didn't know how to face the world, how to go on in a world that didn't have her in it. She _was_ my world. The mother of my kids, the woman I loved… and then she was gone, because of me." 

Steve doesn't say it's not his fault. He knows better than to insult either of them. 

"Tahir made me watch," Sam says. "A live feed. He put her in an airtight room and made me watch as the breath left her body. We used every trick we had, played every card we had, called every contact on and off the books that we knew. It still wasn't enough and she died anyway. I’m a former SEAL, a federal agent sworn to protect the citizens of the United States and I couldn't even protect or save my own _wife_." 

The live feed hits close to home. Most of the story does. Just a few minutes later, maybe seconds, and Sam's story could have been his own. 

"It took me three months to come to terms with the fact that her death was- no matter which way you looked at it- my fault. Tahir may have killed her, but he did it because I freed his sister from Sudan and he wanted to get revenge on me. He wanted to hurt me as much as I had hurt him when I took his sister away from him." Sam shakes his head. "Loss changes you. The guilt too. It hardens you. I'm not the same man I was before Tahir took Michelle." 

"Sam, I'm sorry," Steve murmurs. His eyes are watering. Sam's are too. 

Sam nods at him but just continues, "I'm more serious now. Sometimes I hate who I've become. I wish for a different ending for that night, _any_ different ending than the one I was given. Even if that means my own death and not hers." 

Steve clears his throat. "How do you live with it?" he asks hoarsely. Living with the guilt of his father's death, Freddie's, Joe's, his mom's… it keeps him up at night. Deprives him of wanting to get out of bed some days. Taunts him in the back of his mind when he's happy. 

"It doesn't go away," Sam says. "That guilt, it'll always stay with you. It's been three years since Michelle died and I miss her no less now than I did then. But if there's anything I've realized, and I think this is what you're hoping to hear: it's that eventually you get up and face the new day and you realize you're living your life in their memory. You're living for the life they lost, so they can live on through you. And eventually, you start living for yourself too." Sam stands and goes to the window of his boat, looking out at the water.

"In those following days after the funeral, I lived for Kam and Aiden, and just for them. I had nothing else but them; even G and the others, I kept shut out. But G wouldn't leave me alone and neither would anyone else and eventually, I let G in. The others too, eventually. But that took time because I was broken and wasn’t ready to begin healing yet, wasn’t ready to accept comfort when I didn’t think I deserved anything. Losing Michelle was the worst thing that's happened to me, and I think losing Danny would have been the same for you." 

There's silence following Sam's assumption. Steve inhales shakily and breathes out, "It would have been." 

There's no use in denying the truth.

"You need to think about your reasons, what's kept you going all these years despite everything you've been through. Think about who you're living for right now, whether that’s someone you've lost or for yourself. It can be both. Michelle would have wanted me to not blame myself, to move on and one day be happy again. I know that. So when I say I'm living for myself, I'm really living for her too because that's what she would have wanted for me." Sam turns away from the window and touches Steve's shoulder. "And you should tell your partner how you feel. Our time here is never promised, Steve." 

Steve watches as Sam heads up the stairs, headed either to the upper level of the boat or to the pier, he’s not entirely sure. Steve doesn't have the words to respond anyway, so he remains where he is on the lower level of the boat, silent and lost in his thoughts. 

_Test was "inconclusive." They had me get on a treadmill and apparently I passed, but they said it was a close call. And I failed the spirometry test so they’re doing a follow up in two weeks to reassess. I can still work until then, at least.._ _Received from Danny at 5:17 PM._

 _How're you doing, you okay?_ _Sent from Steve at 5:25 PM._

 _I don't know._ _Received from Danny at 5:27 PM._

 _You want to call, talk about it?_ _Sent from Steve at 5:29 PM._

Danny doesn't respond. 

**Sunday, September 6, 2020**

Steve calls from the road on his way from Sam's boat to Mary's. It's not a very long drive but he calls anyway, intent on getting through to Danny after two days of radio silence. 

Danny answers on the last ring. 

"Hey," Steve says quietly, trying to assess how Danny's doing from the silence over the line. "How're you doing?" 

"I'm fine, all things considered." Danny pauses. "More anxious than I'd like to admit about work tomorrow." 

"You told Cole what's going on?" 

"I told everyone last night at dinner." 

"How'd it go?" 

"It was fine. They're worried. Sympathetic."

"What'd Cole say?" 

"That unless the doctor says otherwise, I can work in the field." 

"You worried about it?" 

"I don't know. Maybe. A little? This whole chest-tightness problem, it's never stopped me from going on my morning run, you know? Even on that Thursday when I was struggling to continue that chase with Tani, I could have kept going had I needed to. All I know is, if I go into this doubting myself, something _will_ happen." 

" _Are_ you doubting yourself?" Steve asks quietly. 

"Not really. You'd think I would be though, and while I'm scared something might happen, I also would never let anything happen to anyone on the team, not if I could help it. I see it being more of a post-capture breakdown than anything else." 

"Just be careful," Steve sighs. "No one is going to look down on you if you have to stop." 

"Yeah," Danny murmurs. "I don't think I want this to be the end, Steve. I know that's selfish but I never thought it'd end like this- I thought either a bullet or my decision to retire, not like this. Here I might not get a choice." 

Steve pulls to a stop in front of Mary's house and closes his eyes, fighting back the wave of emotions that hit him at once. Guilt, sadness, longing to be with Danny; all of them, probably. And probably some he hasn't identified. 

Danny continues with, "But if it is, I'm grateful for the time I've had, you know? Being able to work as a detective in Newark, to be on your team.. even if it all ends in two weeks, at least I had the time that I did. Some aren't as lucky and I do know that." 

Steve clears his throat. "No matter what, Danny, you'll always be a member of 5-0. None of us are going anywhere and no matter where this takes you, you won't be alone. We'll get through it." 

"I know," Danny exhales deeply. The line is quiet for nearly a minute before Danny says, "You still with Sam or are you onto Mary's?"

"Just got to Mary's, actually," Steve answers. "Didn't really plan on staying with Sam for the week but I'm glad I did." 

"I bet Mary's looking forward to seeing you." 

"That, or dreading it," Steve says. "She'll probably have something to say about my hair." 

"Your hair is worth commenting on. It's the longest I've ever seen on you before," Danny says. "Add that to the day-old stubble, it’s quite a look you've got going." 

"Thanks?" 

"You're welcome. For the record, it's annoying how you manage to make any look, look good." 

Steve can't help but smile, chuffed. "Thanks." He pauses for a second and adds, "It's my specialty: annoying you." 

"Yeah, yeah," Danny grumbles. "Trust me, after ten years of putting up with you, I'm well aware." 

They talk for another twenty minutes before Steve ends the call, slings his bag over his shoulder, and heads up the stairs to Mary's front porch.

**Tuesday, September 8, 2020**

_How'd it go?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:01 AM._

 _How did what go?_ _Received from Danny at 10:10 AM._

 _Work yesterday. How was it?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:14 AM._

 _Fine? No case yet._ _Received from Danny at 10:16 AM._

 _How's Mary and Joan?_ _Received from Danny at 10:19 AM._

 _I'll send you a pic. Joanie's getting big!_ _Sent from Steve at 10:26 AM._

[Image Attached] Sent from Steve at 10:27 AM.

 _Cute._ _Received from Danny at 10:28 AM._

 _You and Mary getting along or getting on each other's nerves?_ _Received from Danny at 10:32 AM._

 _Both._ _Sent from Steve at 10:33 AM._

 _She's relentless with the teasing._ _Sent from Steve at 10:34 AM._

 _Sounds like me._ _Received from Danny at 10:35 AM._

 _Reminds me of you._ _Sent from Steve at 10:35 AM._

Steve grins at their texts, sent nearly in unison with each other. He knows without question that Danny's response is going to be…Yes it is. He's annoyed.

 _Shut up, jerk._ _Received from Danny at 10:36 AM._

 _Make me._ _Sent from Steve at 10:37 AM._

 _🖕_ _Received from Danny at 10:40 AM._

 _Gotta finish getting ready for work, talk later?_ _Received from Danny at 10:41 AM._

 _Yeah. Be safe._ _Sent from Steve at 10:42 AM._

 _Will do. Have fun with Mary and Joannie!_ _Received from Danny at 10:44 AM._

**Friday, September 11, 2020 ******

_Are you busy?_ _Received from Danny at 8:35 PM._

 _Just put Joannie to bed. Everything okay?_ _Sent from Steve at 8:50 PM._

 _Bad case._ _Received from Danny at 8:53 PM._

Steve calls. 

"Hey," Danny says quietly upon answering the phone. The tremble in his voice is easy to hear and Steve hates that it's there, wishes it isn't and that he could be there with Danny to help his pain go away. 

"Hey, Danno," Steve answers just as softly. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"Not yet. Can you just- tell me about your day?" Danny requests. He sounds tense, disheartened. 

"Anything you need," Steve says earnestly. "Mary took the day off since I'm leaving tomorrow and she wanted to get in one last day with me, so we spent the day together and then took Joannie to the park after school got out. And I've got to say, I think she gives Charlie a run for his money on who's the more energetic kid." 

Danny laughs a little. "How're you feeling?" 

"Honestly, tired. Was chasing her around the park for a good hour before we walked back home and started preparing dinner." 

"Would you say you're tired to the point of going to bed before ten?" 

Steve hesitates. "No…" 

"That means yes. See, I told you you were a dad." 

"Yeah, yeah, so I'll be going to bed before ten," Steve says, rolling his eyes. "Go ahead, call me an old man." 

"An old man is going to bed at nine with a sore knee and a heating pad. Chasing after a kid makes you a dad, or in this case, a great uncle." 

_In this case, a great uncle._

But if Danny thinks of Steve as a dad except when he’s with Joannie, which makes him an uncle, then does that mean Danny thinks of Steves time with Grace and Charlie as a father-figure more than an uncle?

Steve decides to leave the implications of those words for another time. Maybe for when he gets to reunite with Danny and finally tell him everything they've let go unsaid all these years. 

"Uh, you still with me?" Danny asks. "If you're busy or want to spend your evening with Mary since you're leaving tomorrow, that's fine, we can talk tomor-" 

"No, I'm here," Steve says. "It's fine, I called you, didn't I?" 

"Yeah, but after I texted you-" 

"I still wouldn't have called unless I was available to talk. Besides, you said you were having a bad day, where else would I be but here with you?" 

The line is quiet. 

"Danny?" Steve says, now the worried one. 

"Sorry," Danny mutters. "Listen, I appreciate that but I'm sure you have better things to do instead of-" 

"Danny," Steve interrupts for the third time. "Don’t finish that sentence, especially when we both know that for the last five months, I have done nothing but call you despite knowing you were at work or asleep. You were more than willing to set everything aside to talk to me and _of course_ that goes both ways. If you want to talk about it- I'll listen. But I won't pry if you don't want me to." 

Danny sighs. "I hate today," he offers quietly. "I try not to because Rachel gave me a picture of Grace's first ultrasound on 9/11 but it's also _9/11_ which not only led to the deaths of thousands of Americans but then the deaths of thousands of innocent people overseas during our retaliation, you know? And Grace- my former partner- she died on this date, too. So I _really_ do not like today and then, of course, to somehow make it worse, today we got this case and god, _Steve,_ this guy was texting and driving and he ended up driving these two twenty-something-year-old kids off the road because he swerved into their lane, and between seeing the two girls which was like Grace last year, and then the whole texting and driving someone off the road thing which was like Joanna, and-" 

Steve sees where this is headed and knows from Danny's tone and his heavy breathing that his partner is not doing very well at this moment. "Danny, I need you to take a deep breath, okay?" he interjects, inhaling loudly himself so Danny will mimic him. "You sound borderline a panic attack so take a deep breath with me, let's get your breathing under control."

"They died," Danny says instead of inhaling. "Steve, we were called in to find the SOB who drove away like a coward after swerving into oncoming traffic and sending two kids off the road because of it. We were called in to arrest him and for all the jackshit that does, two twenty-two-year-old best friends are still dead!" Danny's crying softly and while Steve can't see him, he can tell from ten years of friendship that Danny's curled up tight in the corner of whatever room he's in, one arm wrapped around himself as he uses his free hand to keep his phone pressed to his ear.

Crying, by himself. 

Except he's not alone. Physically, yes, Steve is one hundred percent certain Danny is all alone right now, either in his office or in their bedroom, but Steve's on the phone with him and not even a call from the governor or god could make him hang up the phone right now, not when Danny needs him. 

The problem is, nothing he says will ease Danny's pain or bring back the two girls who died today because of one man's negligence and recklessness. 

"You took him off the streets, Danny," Steve says gently instead. "At the very least, you ensured he won't be able to hurt anyone anymore." 

"At the cost of two innocent lives," Danny grieves. "A handful of characters should never be valued as more important than a life and because it was, two girls with their entire lives ahead of them…"

He doesn't finish his sentence. He doesn't have to. 

"I'm sorry," Steve murmurs. "I'm so sorry, Danny." 

They fall quiet as Steve silently helps Danny into regulating his breathing. Nearly ten minutes pass before Danny admits, in a voice barely above a whisper, "If you asked me to choose which days from my life I hate the most, today would be one of them." He gives a small, broken laugh. "I've had so many fucked up, shitty days but today's really up there. I really, really hate today." 

Steve doesn't know what to say to that. 

"And for the record, I'm starting to really hate this job. All the things it shows me about just how horrible society is, not to mention how horrible the criminal justice system is too. If this all comes to an end next week with this asthma-or-not shit, I think I'll actually be grateful for it. I’ll be glad to finally be able to stop." 

"You love being a cop," Steve says. "As long as I've known you, you've always been proud of that." 

"Not today. I am tired of bad guys getting away scotch-free so long as they’re rich or white, and I am tired of always being there to pick up the pieces instead of holding something together, and I am tired of losing people who have never done anything to deserve the shit that this world decided to give them!" Danny shouts. "And I am so fucking tired of losing people important to me but _every time_ I convince myself I won't, it happens all over again. I'm starting to think that me expecting the worst, isn’t me being pessimistic, it's me being realistic." 

"Danny-" 

His partner sounds so worn, so _exhausted._ Steve's seen Danny at his worst and this- this sounds beyond that, this sounds like his breaking point. 

Danny told him once that all law enforcement officers eventually reach the point where they burn out- where they burn out and break for good if they don't get help or are left alone to fight. 

Steve's been fighting to keep from breaking for good this entire time he's been gone- 

And apparently Danny has been fighting the same battle. 

"Danny," Steve says quietly, acting on pure instinct and partly on worry for his best friend. "If I were to write down the list of all the people who you've encountered in your time as a cop- as victims or people who have died during the case, we both know that list would be long. I won't deny that. But if I did the same for the people you've saved or protected, that list would be tenfold the list of those you've lost. Because for every life you've lost, you have saved at least ten more, Danny, I'm sure of that. At the very top of that list would be everyone in your family, including Grace, Charlie, and myself." 

"That's-" 

"Let me finish," Steve requests, needing to reassure Danny of his value. "We can't save everyone we encounter. Being a SEAL and being a cop has shown me that in ways I wish it never had. Our line of work exposes us every day to the worst side of people, but we let it so we can shut down that line of evil. And a lot of the time, we do. You've done more good than you realize, Danny. This world is safer because people like you have chosen to work in law enforcement, especially on bad days like this one." 

All is quiet for a minute, minus the sounds of their breathing and the occasional sniffle, and then Danny murmurs, "Thanks." 

"All I said was the truth, buddy." 

A pause.

"Steve?"

Steve hums his acknowledgement. 

"I really miss you," Danny admits softly.

"I miss you," Steve whispers. "I think a little more every damn day, Danny." 

"Then come home." 

"Soon," Steve promises truthfully. 

**Monday, September 14, 2020**

_This place isn't doing anything for me._ _Sent from Steve at 9:56 AM._

 _What's that mean exactly?_ _Received from Danny at 10:14 AM._

 _It means I thought coming here would help me resolve things with Joe. Come to terms with his death._ _Sent from Steve at 10:22 AM._

 _And it doesn't?_ _Received from Danny at 10:26 AM._

 _Not really. He's just another name on the long list of people who lied to me. I still feel partly responsible for his death and I do miss him.._ _Sent from Steve at 10:28 AM._

 _But?_ _Received from Danny at 10:31 AM._

 _I don't think I owe him anything. I'm not mad at him anymore and I wish I could have saved him, but I don't feel obligated to carry around this weight.. if that makes sense?_ _Sent from Steve at 10:33 AM._

 _I get it._ _Received from Danny at 10:34 AM._

 _Going into the office early, can resume this convo once I'm in?_ _Received from Danny at 10:34 AM._

 _Nah that's all I needed to say really._ _Sent from Steve at 10:36 AM._

 _Think I'm ready to move on from here tomorrow. Go visit Freddie's parents._ _Sent from Steve at 10:37 AM._

 _Glad you feel that way. I'm happy for you._ _Received from Danny at 10:59 AM._

 _Me too, thanks._ _Sent from Steve at 11:05 AM._

 _Good luck at work today. And remember: you're doing good._ _Sent from Steve at 11:06 AM._

 _Thanks, babe._ _Received from Danny at 11:11 AM._

 _Enjoy your day and safe travels tomorrow!_ _Received from Danny at 11:13 AM._

Steve smiles at Danny's words and tucks his phone into his pocket.

**Thursday, September 17, 2020 ******

_Sorry I missed your call, everything okay?_ _Received from Danny at 7:14 PM._

 _All good. I thought I was calling during lunch, you catch a live one?_ _Sent from Steve at 7:22 PM._

 _Big one, yeah. Just now sitting down to eat._ _Received from Danny at 7:25 PM._

 _You realize it's 3:30?_ _Sent from Steve at 7:30 PM._

 _You know how it goes._ _Received from Danny at 7:33 PM._

 _Did you call just to hear my voice or you need to talk about something?_ _Received from Danny at 7:34 PM._

 _Didn't need anything but definitely not the first one._ _Sent from Steve at 7:37 PM._

 _Rude._ _Received from Danny at 7:39 PM._

 _Wanted to tell you something actually, had a good talk with Freddie's mom today. Helped me, thought it would help you too._ _Sent from Steve at 7:41 PM._

 _Sorry, I've gotta go lunch break over. Call tomorrow and you can tell me?_ _Received from Danny at 7:42 PM._

Not even a twenty minute lunch break. Whatever the case is, it seems high-profile. Like there's a lot at stake. 

Steve frowns at his phone. 

_Yeah that's fine. I'm staying for an early dinner and catching the last flight out to go see Gracie but we'll figure out a time to talk._ _Sent from Steve at 7:44 PM._

 _She can't wait to see you._ _Received from Danny at 7:57 PM._

 _Yeah neither can I. Take care of yourself, Danny._ _Sent from Steve at 8:01 PM._

Apparently already busy with something at work, Danny doesn't respond. 

**Friday, September 18, 2020**

Steve is sound asleep when the phone rings and out of pure instinct after ten years of practice more than anything, Steve answers his phone with a half-asleep, slurred, "McGarrett." 

"Steve-" Tani begins, and suddenly he's alert. For many reasons but firstly, the fact that she wouldn't be calling in the middle of the night unless something happened- namely, to Danny. 

"What happened?" Steve demands, sitting up and already planning to get on the next flight home. He glances at his watch. 4:13 AM which makes it 10:13 PM for them. It's bad. "Is Danny okay? What happened?" 

"He's okay," Tani reassures him quickly. "But he's- he's on his way to the hospital, Steve. He had an asthma attack, a bad one." 

Steve's not sure he can breathe. He isn't sure what to say that isn't another demand to know if Danny's okay so he stays quiet, letting her finish explaining the situation to him. 

"We've been working a time-sensitive case the last two days and we got a last minute lead on our suspect so we moved out. Our suspect bolted the second we burst in and I don't know, I don't know if he was running too fast or for too long or both, but Danny went down. We had to call 911 and the medics gave him a nebulizer treatment which helped but he's going to the hospital as a precaution." 

Steve closes his eyes and squeezes his available hand into a fist to keep it from shaking. He should have been there to have Danny's back. "How bad was it?" 

After some clear hesitation, Tani admits, "It was bad. He was wheezing and for a second, I really thought he was going to pass out. The paramedics got here within five minutes and got him on a nebulizer really quick which I think is what prevented anything worse from happening. Junior's in the ambulance with him headed in right now." 

Steve exhales, struggling to breathe himself. "Okay. Look, it's late so I can't get a flight for another few hours but I can be there-" 

"No!" Tani interrupts. "Boss, Danny told me very specifically to tell you not to come. He says you're almost done with your trip and he doesn't want you to cut corners, not on his behalf." 

"He's on his way to the hospital," Steve says, "I don't really think he gets a vote here." 

"He made me promise I'd convince you to not come," Tani says. "He's not in any danger anymore and he doesn't want you to cut your trip short by putting his well-being over yours." 

"My well-being is sort of dependent on his," Steve says shortly, "and I don't think either of you can say for certain whether he's in any danger or not. Only the doctor can make that ruling." 

"Please don't rush back home on the first flight," Tani begs. "You know we'll keep you updated as we know more and I'll even hand you the phone if you want to talk to the doctor and hear from him yourself, but Danny's got a point, Steve. This trip is about you taking care of yourself and you need to see it through." 

"What I need is to be with my partner when he's in the hospital," Steve grounds out. "Not to be thousands of miles away." 

Tani is quiet for a moment. "If you really want to come back, I won't stop you. You know what's best for yourself. We just want you to be okay, Steve." 

"I know that," Steve admits quietly, calmer. "And I appreciate it. But trust me, as much as I was looking forward to visiting Grace, I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don't come back to be with Danny right now. He and I will just have to finish my trip to see Grace when he's feeling better, that's all." 

The smile in Tani's voice is easy to hear as she responds, "Then I guess I'll see you soon, boss." 

"See you soon," Steve agrees. "And Tani, tell Danny to give me a call when he's up for it. And also tell him that if he's not okay as he claims to be, I'll make him regret lying to me." 

He hangs up without waiting for an answer and pulls up the airline information, booking the first available flight back home. 

**Friday, September 18, 2020, later**

_Danny, talk to me._ _Sent from Steve at 6:14 AM._

 _Tani called, told me what happened. Are you okay?_ _Sent from Steve at 6:32 AM._

 _Stupid question. I'm sorry this happened. Do you want to talk?_ _Sent from Steve at 6:56 AM._

 _Can you please respond and let me know what's going on?_ _Sent from Steve at 7:08 AM._

 _I had a "severe" asthma attack and now I'm in the hospital. What else is there to say?_ _Received from Danny at 7:26 AM._

 _Is that what the doctor said? Did he diagnose you? Can you breathe okay now?_ _Sent from Steve at 7:28 AM._

 _How are you handling everything?_ _Sent from Steve at 7:30 AM._

 _Was given a formal diagnosis, yes._ _Received from Danny at 7:47 AM._

The lack of further explanation or response to any of his questions brings tears to Steve's eyes at the unfairness of it all. He's going to assume Danny's been diagnosed with asthma and considering Danny nearly collapsed on duty because of it, he's also going to assume Danny plans to resign because of it. 

_"I never thought it'd end like this- I thought either a bullet or my decision to retire, not like this. Here I might not get a choice,"_ Danny's pained voice echoes in his ear. 

Danny didn't get a choice. 

Life made it for him. 

The best man Steve has _ever_ known, and he's just been served a career-ending diagnosis. 

It's not _fair._

**Later,**

It's a little past two pm in Oahu when he lands and heads towards baggage claim to grab his two suitcases. His phone has been vibrating on and off in his pocket since they landed with various notifications he missed during the second half of his twelve-hour-long flight (there was a connecting flight from LA that gave him time to answer text messages and return phone calls), but Steve doesn't plan on touching his phone until he's got his bags. 

He makes it five minutes into the wait for the conveyor to begin dispelling bags before he gives in and takes out his phone. There are text updates from everyone on the team and a voicemail from Grace which he's tempted to listen to, and he almost does, only to hesitate when he sees Danny's name under his notifications. 

Steve opens Danny's message. The first of thirteen. 

_I saw this coming. Didn't want it to happen but I knew something was off the last month or so when I went running in the morning. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself that something was wrong._ _Received from Danny at 12:45 PM._

 _It was never bad but I shouldn’t have dismissed it as no big deal. Maybe I could have prevented this._ _Received from Danny at 12:47 PM._

 _I didn't want to believe it would become anything serious tho. And I didn't think it would. But when I had trouble on that case the other week, I should have pushed harder at the dr’s. Made them run more tests instead of holding onto hope that I was okay._ _Received from Danny at 12:50 PM._

 _You know it could have been a lot worse. Medics could have taken longer, the nebulizer might not have worked, I could have blacked out.. I was lucky.._ _Received from Danny at 12:52 PM._

 _I don't really feel lucky._ _Received from Danny at 12:52 PM._

 _Been released. Back home now. Idk to take your silence as you feel guilty or are on a flight right now._ _Received from Danny at 1:47 PM._

 _Tani says she talked you out of flying back. But Grace also hasn't answered me to say you're with her or not so idk what to think._ _Received from Danny at 1:48 PM._

 _It wasn't your fault._ _Received from Danny at 1:50 PM._

 _I don't blame you. This was likely a mixture of sarin and taking two bullets to the chest in the last two years. All of which left damage to my lungs. Still, not your fault._ _Received from Danny at 1:53 PM._

 _I made the choice to join this life. I knew the risks. Did it anyway. And I don't regret it._ _Received from Danny at 1:53 PM._

 _You better not be on a plane right now. You're supposed to be taking care of yourself. Not coming back to comfort me._ _Received from Danny at 1:55 PM._

 _You probably are. You never listen to me anyway._ _Received from Danny at 1:59 PM._

 _Sorry for the spam. Sort of. But your phone went to voicemail when I called all 4 times so here we are._ _Received from Danny at 2:12 PM._

The conveyor belt starts to move and luggage begins to pour out but Steve barely spares it a glance.

 _I'm sorry, Danno._ _Sent from Steve at 2:23 PM._

 _I thought I told you this wasn't your fault._ _Received from Danny at 2:29 PM._

Steve stares at the message. Danny might believe so, or at least, say so, but Steve knows better. Tucking his phone into his pocket after texting Junior to let him know he’s at baggage claim, Steve focuses on looking for his suitcases as the bags pass him by on the conveyor belt. 

Ten minutes later, Steve has his carry-on over his shoulder and a suitcase in each hand as he heads to the parking garage where Junior is waiting. 

"Welcome home, Steve," Junior greets as Steve sets his bags in the backseat of the car before they embrace tightly. They hold on tight for a moment before stepping back. 

Junior looks healthy, happier than he did when Steve left, but there are stress lines drawn taut on his face that share wonders of his worry for Danny. 

"You look good," Junior offers as they climb into the car. 

"I've been doing better," Steve says earnestly. "Tell me about Danny."

 _I'm sorry that you're in pain and I can't take it away for you._ _Sent from Steve at 2:42 PM._

Danny doesn't respond. 

"Danny was released at nine-thirty this morning and is, according to Tani, still resting in his room. The rest of the team is there and when I left, Eddie was with Danny." Junior glances at Steve as they head out of the parking garage and down the street. "Danny tell you anything?" 

"Not really. What's the diagnosis?" 

"Exercise-Induced Bronchospasm, which really is a fancy sort of way to say Exercise-Induced Asthma. He has damage to the bronchi of his lungs from both the Sarin and his two gunshot wounds, the doctor believes, and now during significant exercise, he might experience difficulties breathing, wheezing, chest tightness… He was given a rescue inhaler and a nebulizer as treatment as needed. He'll need more tests to determine severity and if this could affect him outside of exercising but for now, that's what we know." 

"And 5-0?" Steve asks quietly, holding his breath. 

"Cole placed him on medical leave for the time being but Danny is drawing up his letter of resignation. He told me in the hospital he doesn't want to be a liability or put any of us at risk because he can't watch our backs." 

"He's not going to try to pass the physical?" Steve demands. 

"I don't think he wants to," Junior responds truthfully. "I know Tani talked to you earlier but Steve, it was bad. We had an oxygen mask in our trunk but it didn't help. The nebulizer was the only thing that did. It scared all of us," he admits. "Most of all, Danny. He feels bad for having struggled during the chase and, according to him, failing to have our backs. I don't think he wants that guilt on his conscience." 

Steve is quiet. Returning to 5-0 is something he has gone back and forth on while he’s been away but knowing that Danny is almost guaranteed to put in his resignation? A large part of what made the difficult days on 5-0 survivable was having the team to lean on, especially Danny. To know he’d be going into the field without Danny at his six just feels wrong. 

Steve didn’t really think he was going to return to 5-0 anyway, and this just confirms it for him. 

“We’re here,” Junior says, cutting into Steve’s thoughts. 

There's a moment after Junior pulls into the driveway that all Steve can do is sit and stare at the home in front of him. After five months, he's finally back home, which is precisely what he left to fight to return to- this home where his ohana is waiting for him, where Danny is. 

Of all the ways he thought of this reunion, Danny's career-ending diagnosis was never once a consideration. 

Now, it's reality. 

"Everyone knows," Junior says. "We didn't tell Danny, hoping seeing you would cheer him up. We all think he suspects you're coming but until he sees you, he won't get his hopes up. You know how he is." 

Typical Danny through and through. 

Steve climbs out of the car and closes the door behind him. Leaves his bags where they are in the back seat, approaches the front door. Taking a deep breath, he pushes the door open. 

There are quiet exclamations of his name as he enters his home and hugs are exchanged from everyone for the better part of five minutes. It feels right, it feels like coming home and it's- it’s _almost_ everything Steve had imagined. 

The feeling of love and belonging is exactly what he'd expected it'd be like, and better. 

But his partner is missing from the reunion and Steve is inevitably drawn towards the stairs and the bedroom that currently secures his dog and his best friend. 

Lou's the one to say it. "Your boy is hurting, Steve. Think he needs you now, more than he ever has before." 

Steve nods his acknowledgement and slowly brings himself to the bottom stair. Fourteen stairs, a few paces down the hall and to the left is his best friend. 

Steve’s not sure if he’s ready for this conversation. 

They both need to have it. 

He goes. 

At the door, Steve hesitates. Every time he imagined coming home and reuniting with Danny, he imagined a joyful reunion, maybe a teary-eyed one. A shared _I love you_ and the truth put forth between them for once. Maybe a kiss. Definitely a hug. 

This won't be that, not for hours. Maybe not even until tomorrow, or a couple of days from now. 

Coming home because Danny is hurt was never once the plan. It was never even a considered notion. It was a fear, part of many that kept him up at night or woke him up in the middle of sleep with flushed, sweaty skin and the desperate need to hear Danny's voice and be reassured for himself that his partner was still alive and well. It was a fear he prayed would never become a reality.

It was never supposed to happen like this.

 _Never_ like this. 

But it is and Steve doesn't back down, ever. Especially in cases where Danny is involved. 

He twists the doorknob and steps inside, closing the door quietly behind him. Eddie's practically vibrating on the bed he's shaking so forcefully with excitement at his return, but Steve only has eyes for his partner. He does silently hold his hand out and let Eddie sniff and lick him as he approaches, toeing off his shoes and shrugging out of his light jacket as he disregards both next to the bed. 

Danny's curled on his side with his back facing the door. His posture is tense yet also defeated. 

There are numerous things he wants to say, that he could say. Things that he _should_ say. All that comes out, barely above a whispered exhale is, _"Danny."_

Danny sighs. Doesn't turn over to look at him, does not move, for that matter. "Thought you'd come," he says. "'M sorry." 

"Don't be." 

Steve kneels on the bed and reaches out with a trembling hand. He covers Danny's shoulder with his hand, rubbing his thumb up and down in a soothing manner. "I told you this trip was about finally putting myself first and finding my peace," he says softly. "And today you told me to not come home because I needed to take care of myself and not you. And you know what? I went all over the world exploring, learning, gaining new knowledge, taking the wisdom and advice given to me and all those places, for everything they gave me, never offered me the peace I was looking for." 

Danny exhales roughly but still says nothing, does not move. 

"And how could it?" Steve asks, reaching out with his other hand to touch Danny's chin, making Danny lean back and look at him over his shoulder. "How could it give me the peace I was looking for when the entire time, it was here with you?" 

Danny's eyes are wide and sparkling with unshed tears. "Steve-" he begins, but breaks, a single tear sliding down his cheek. 

Steve helps him roll over onto his back and then brushes the tear away with the pad of his thumb. He's sitting now, criss-crossed with his other hand having slipped from Danny's shoulder to grip his hand. 

"I would see a picture of you and Charlie, of you and Eddie, or just of _you_ and I would smile. I'd hear your voice in my ear every time I read one of your texts and it gave me strength. Your laugh when we called- Danny, I swear it's the most beautiful sound when I know you're actually amused or happy. This entire time I was searching for peace-" Steve squeezes Danny's hand- "And you were my peace all along." 

Danny's eyes fluttered closed, another tear sliding down his cheek. Another, a fourth. 

Steve’s crying too.

In one movement, Danny goes from laying down to sitting up and being held tightly in Steve's arms. They clutch at each other tightly, holding strong, neither willing to let go. 

"I have missed you _so much_ ," Danny exhales into his shoulder, trembling at the force of his silent cries. 

"I've missed you too." Steve pulls back just enough to look into Danny's eyes, to show him with full earnestness just how truthful those four words are. 

Danny's eyes are no less expressive. 

They move in unison as they always tend to; a mere gentle press of lips more than anything else. 

"When Tani called," Steve whispers as they pull back, hands held tightly and bodies still fused together in more places than one, "I thought the worst. I _cannot_ bear the thought of losing you. Every time I called in the middle of the night-" 

"I know," Danny says. "'S why I always answered." 

Steve huffs a little and shakes his head. "You amaze me," he says for a lack of better words. "And I promise you, we will figure something out and get through this together. You and me and this entire ohana." 

Danny squeezes his hand. "I know." 

Once again they read each other and act accordingly, Steve climbing onto his side of the bed and settling down as Danny rolls over and presses closer, putting his head on Steve's chest. He slings an arm over Steve's waist and Steve answers by wrapping his arm around Danny's shoulders and pressing a kiss to his hair. Eddie watches them curiously as he moves to Danny's side of the bed and settles back down by his feet. 

Danny begins to shake in his arms and Steve knows without looking that he's crying. "Hey, I've got you," he promises, tightening his arm around Danny's shoulders and kissing his hair again. "I've got you, you're okay." 

Danny just seems to cry harder and it takes Steve a minute to realize he is as well. The ache in his chest that's been present the last five months is just now easing and it's purely because of _this_ , being back with Danny. The relief of no longer longing for what he wants or the ache of the loneliness he felt being away from his ohana is easing; finally coming to a peaceful end. 

At some point he looks up and finds Danny watching him, eyes shining wetly still, but something in his expression is calmer. Steve wipes his eyes and meets Danny's expressive gaze head on. 

"You know, I'm in love with you," Danny says because apparently, it's always been that easy, if they ever had just dared to say it. 

"I love you," Steve answers. "Everywhere I went, everything I did or saw, you're all I thought about. I thought about home but I was thinking of you. I thought of peace and it was your smile or like this, being here with you in my arms. Being back _here_ with Eddie and the team, Nahele, Grace, and Charlie. That’s what gives me peace.” 

Danny leans up and kisses him for the second time, this time longer, more passionately. Steve closes his eyes and meets him halfway because no matter what they face in life, Steve will always meet Danny halfway so they can do it together. 

Kissing is no exception. 

They pull away slowly but Danny has shifted in his arms, allowing him to keep their foreheads pressed together. "There are so many things I want to say, starting with feel free to manhandle me tonight," Danny says, referencing their conversation from all those months ago that had left Steve aching and hard and longing for home, "But if you're okay with it, I'd rather wait until tonight to actually talk about things so we can go downstairs and you can have an actual reunion with everyone." 

Steve cups Danny's cheek in his hand and leans in to kiss him once again, the action already familiar as if he's been doing it for years and not minutes. But _god_ , that's a visual he can't wait to make a reality: years of kissing Danny; the rest of their lives together. 

"I'm good with it," Steve answers, "So long as you uncover the photos on the front wall because I want to see what you came up with."

Danny smiles and it makes Steve smile to see that it’s actually a genuine smile. "I had a lot of fun with that project. Took my time with it too so you better appreciate it." 

"We'll see about that." 

Danny just rolls his eyes and takes his hand, pulling Steve out of their bed and down the stairs. Everyone stands at their approach and no one looks surprised to see they're holding hands. 

"Only myself and Eddie have seen the final product," Danny announces, "And everyone did help me choose a photo, but unless someone peeked, it should be a surprise for everyone too." 

Tani, unsurprisingly, raises her hand. "I saw you and Junior working on it one day, if that counts as peeking." 

"Sneak," Danny says affectionately, "But I'll let it slide." 

He slips his hand out of Steve's to use both hands to take the tarp off the wall. Steve takes a step back, eyes wide and tears already forming as he takes in the sight in front of him. 

In the center of the wall is the word _Ohana_ , clearly carefully cut by hand out of wood, stained, and painted before being hung on the wall. Surrounding the word is a photo of Steve and his dad; his entire family together on Christmas when he was nine; a photo from his BUD/S graduation; a picture of him and Joe; of him and Freddie; of him, Mary, and their mom; a picture of Mary and Joannie; of Aunt Deb, Steve, and Mary; a generous scattering of photos of the 5-0 team over the years, including in their dress uniforms or at Kamekona's or at Steve's for a team dinner; there are photos of Steve with Grace, Steve with Grace and Charlie, Steve with Nahele, Steve and Eddie; the photo of Steve, Danny, Grace, and Charlie he requested be added to the wall… and on the far end, one empty frame. 

"That one is for a picture of you and I. I couldn't find one that did our relationship justice but I figure we have time to choose one together or take one to put in the frame," Danny explains quietly. 

The array of photos is huge, set up all along the wall so when someone enters inside, there is no questioning the amount of love that this family has for each other. The realization of _that_ plus the understanding that he's helped build this family that has shown him more love and compassion than his own family… 

It used to hurt him to realize but now he is only filled with love because these people, in these photos and in this room with him, this is his family in every way that matters. 

He is loved and he loves in return. 

What more than that can one man ever hope for? 

Steve reaches out and pulls Danny into his arms tightly, closing his eyes as a few tears make their way down his cheeks. "It's beautiful, Danny," he manages to say. It's more than beautiful but finding the words to describe how seeing this makes him feel; to realize the sheer amount of effort and time it must have taken to build this, to collect and select photos, and then to hang it… This display of photos and love is _everything_ to Steve. 

"Thank you," Steve whispers. 

Arms encircle him as Tani hugs him, followed by Junior, Lou, Adam, Quinn, Kamekona, Flippa, Nahele, Noelani, Duke… 

Even Cole is present. A member of the team he plans on getting to know better, even if he doesn't plan to rejoin the team. 

When he wanted to leave the restaurant, Danny had told him, _"If you're out, I'm out."_

Danny's out so he's out too.

"Welcome home," Danny whispers into his ear as they linger in their hug despite everyone pulling back. 

Steve squeezes Danny's hand and keeps his arm around him as he turns to face the rest of his family. He takes in the sight of them, of everyone smiling with their arms around each other facing him and Danny. 

This. This is his home. 

He's at peace. 

END. 


End file.
